Thursday, 10 February 2011

The Subtle Differences Between Men and Women


For Example as a man:

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park..

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress £2000. Morning-suit rental-£100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them..

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat..

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public..

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike , Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike , Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. ..........None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that, is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Lots of women love cats.

Lots of men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. .........She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

5 comments:

Adullamite said...

Yup, spot on!

Sausage Fingers said...

Nice one, my favorite line is
You know stuff about tanks

Vicky said...

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours – where else can you hide when you’ve put a red t-shirt in with a white wash!

Wedding plans take care of themselves – Lord help a wedding a man organises!

You can never be pregnant – as if you lot could cope with it!

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park – so can we?

You can wear NO shirt to a water park – so can we!

The world is your urinal – as are the prison cell walls!

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt – you’re getting cocky now!

Same work, more pay – not always, it is 2011 after all ;-)

Wrinkles add character – keep telling yourselves that!

Wedding dress £2000. Morning-suit rental-£100 – years the marriage will last when she finds out?!

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them – unless you have moobs!

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet – your feet must be a perfect fit for heels!

One mood all the time – So you lot like to think!

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat – as long as that?

You know stuff about tanks – As in tank tops!

You can open all your own jars – and then spill half the contents on your white shirt in the process of trying to prove you’re a man!

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness – yea right!

Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack – Cheaper in the £1 shop!


You almost never have strap problems in public – dangling free is bad for you!

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes – coz your woman irons them for you!

Everything on your face stays its original colour – unless you get slapped!

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades – baldness has that effect!

You only have to shave your face and neck – so do we, no law says we have to shave elsewhere!

You can play with toys all your life – Oh so can we!

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache – as do we ;-)

No wonder men are happier – Says who!!

Mike Smith said...

The two fellas who commented on this post - brief and to the point. The woman, however...

Vicky said...

Coz you MEN need EVERYTHING explained to you letter by letter!!