Thursday, 2 January 2014

The Mating Game...

Now that Christmas and New Year have been and gone, there are countless television and radio adverts for dating agencies - 'a new year, a new you...' Here's one you might not have seen advertised...

Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency

Name………………………………......................................

Address………………………………..................................

Date of Birth………………………………..........................

Male/Female……………………………….........................

Introductory Section

1) Would you prefer your partner to be:

a) the opposite sex
b) the same sex
c) both
d) any sort of mammal
e) not fussy really

2) Would you prefer your partner to be:

a) alive
b) dead
c) dead but still warm
d) doesn’t matter

3) How many legs should your ideal partner have:

a) two as a bare minimum
b) one
c) none
d) doesn’t matter

4) In the event of Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency being unable to match you with your ideal partner, which of the following would you be prepared to make do with:

a) a milk bottle
b) a bar of soap and a radiator
c) not fussy really - anything will do


Now, more detailed information:

Before sex do you:

Crack your knuckles?
Roll up your sleeves?
Crouch down on starting blocks?
Give your little brother a Cadbury’s Cream Egg?
Smother your body in ‘Vick’?


During Sex Do You:

Blow your nose?
Play a harmonica?
Smoke a pipe?
Think about camels?
Whistle?
Wear Ear Muffs?
Talk about the drought in Somalia?


After Sex Do You:

Get up and go home?
Put a notch on the headboard?
Turn up the sound on the television?
Break wind?
Notice a difference between your two big toes?
Finish your toast?

Men: If you answered yes to each of those questions, I’m afraid you are a lousy lover and the Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency is unable to help you.

Women: If you answered yes to each of those questions, I’m afraid you are a lousy lover and the Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency is unable to help you.

However,if you two ever get together would you mind if Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency came along to watch?

6 comments:

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Happy New Year!

Dating Matchmakers don't accommodate Chemistry...

Mike Smith said...

Happy New Year to you too, Gillian! All the best for 2014 to you and yours.

miruspeg said...

This post gave me a chuckle Mike!
Keep them coming my friend.
Warmest hugs
Peggy xxxxx

ammi roy said...

was iosionsrefetech crossedWonderful post! Youve made some very astute observations and I am thankful for the the effort you have put into your writing. Its clear that you know what you are talking about. I am looking forward to reading more of your sites content.
jeux de fille

thematch maker said...

In today’s busy world, it would be wrong to say that something like love at the first sight actually exists. You need to invest a lot of time and emotions to get to know people who share the same interests as you. Dating agency Galway is a good place to interact and meet many interesting profiles who are waiting just like you to meet the special someone. So, what are you waiting for? Create a profile for yourself and get started today.

Mike Smith said...

Some people just don't get it!