Sunday, 6 December 2009

It's Murder at Tesco...

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands and as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.

Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared............

'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!'

Yes, I know it's an old gag (see what I did there?) but it's Sunday night and you know how much I love Sundays...

6 comments:

Joanna Jenkins said...

Happy Sunday Mike. This one made me smile. I hadn't heard it before.

jj

miruspeg said...

I hadn't heard it before either!
Must be a pommy gag.
Hey Mike why don't you like Sunday night, is it because Monday is looming.
BTW have you fixed the kitchen shelf yet....LOL
Hugs
Peg xxxx

Joanna Jenkins said...

Hey Mike,
the 12 Lays of Christmas is a hoot!
jj

Mike Smith said...

Thank you Joanna!

Mike said...

Mike that made me smile. We actually have Tesco's here in Thailand.

Murders are pretty common here so perhaps I need to watch my step when I'm in the local store!

1st Lady said...

This is a goodie, not sure if I've heard it before, I'm either too young to have heard the oldies, or too old to have remembered them.