Sunday, 28 June 2020

The Eeriness of Rose Street

Edinburgh's Rose Street, just after 11.00am on Sunday. Usually this place would be bustling with shoppers, diners, tourists et al. I am reliably informed there are a couple of bookies there along with the odd pub or two...Instead, it looked an eerie place, symbolic of a lockdown that has now gone on for more than three months.

Tomorrow, in Scotland, roadside shops re-open, subject to appropriate social distancing measures being in place. Indeed, on adjacent Princes Street, many stores had staff working today preparing for re-opening tomorrow and several shops had two metre distancing signs marked on the pavement outside.

Tomorrow will mark another step towards something approaching normality in Scotland. Today, in central Edinburgh at least, it was the calm before the storm.

Tuesday, 16 June 2020

The Confession 
In 1965, an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man began:

"Father .. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"But there is more to tell, father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over......?"

Tuesday, 9 June 2020

Text Speak

No money was given to Hannah during the taking of this photograph. Well, perhaps just a small sum...

I saw something on t'internet today about an animation course open to children aged 13-18 in Scotland and thought this would be right up grand-daughter Hannah's street. She is fast approaching those dreaded teenage years. I sent her the link and, unusually for the elder two of my grandchildren, she replied within minutes.

'I saw this and thought of you' I said in my message, trying to be a dutiful Papa.

'That's what I'm doing in art rn' Hannah replied.

Art RN? I pondered for some time about what this was. Is this what they call art and design at school these days? Eventually the penny dropped, admittedly from a long height.

RN is text speak for 'right now'.

I have a horrible feeling that, before long, having communication with Jack and Hannah may need the help of an interpreter.

Friday, 29 May 2020

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

I received the email below to my hypnotherapy business account today. I'm about to receive nearly $18m. What could possibly go wrong...?

Greetings My Dear Friend,

Before I introduce myself, I wish to inform you that this letter is not a hoax mail and I urge you to treat it serious. This letter must come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners. Please I want you to read this letter very carefully and I must apologize for barging this message into your mail box without any formal introduction due to the urgency and confidentiality of this business and I know that this message will come to you as a surprise.
Please this is not a joke and I will not like you to joke with it ok. With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose, I make this contact with you as I believe that you can be of great assistance to me. My name is Mr. Azmat Foufana, from Burkina Faso, West Africa. I work with BIB BANK (BIB BANK) as telex manager, please see this as a confidential message and do not reveal it to another person and let me know whether you can be of assistance regarding my proposal below because, I am about to retire from active Banking service to start a new life but I am skeptical to reveal this particular secret to a stranger. You must assure me that everything will be handled confidentially because we are not going to suffer again in life.
It has been 10 years now that most of the greedy African Politicians used our bank to launder money overseas through the help of their Political advisers. Most of the funds which they transferred out of the shores of Africa were gold and oil money that was supposed to have been used to develop the continent. Their Political advisers always inflated the amounts before transferring to foreign accounts, so I also used the opportunity to divert part of the funds hence I am aware that there is no official trace of how much was transferred as all the accounts used for such transfers were being closed after transfer, I acted as the Bank Officer to most of the politicians and when I discovered that they were using me to succeed in their greedy act; I also cleaned some before I send this message to you, I have already diverted ($29.6million Dollars) to an escrow account belonging to no one in the bank.
The bank is anxious now to know who the beneficiary to the funds is because they have made a lot of profits with the funds. It is more than Eight years now and most of the politicians are no longer using our bank to transfer funds overseas. The ($29.6million Dollars) has been laying waste in our bank and I don’t want to retire from the bank without transferring the funds to a foreign account to enable me share the proceeds with the receiver (a foreigner). The money will be shared 60% for me and 40% for you, There is no one coming to ask you about the funds because I secured everything, I only want you to assist me by providing a reliable bank account where the funds can be transferred.
You are not to face any difficulties or legal implications as I am going to handle the transfer personally. If you are capable of receiving the funds, do let me know immediately to enable me give you a detailed information on what to do. For me, I have not stolen the money from anyone because the other people that took the whole money did not face any problems, this is my chance to grab my own life opportunity but you must keep the details of the funds secret to avoid any leakages as no one in the bank knows about my plans.
Please get back to me if you are interested and capable to handle this project, I shall intimate you on what to do when I hear from your confirmation and acceptance. If you are capable of being my trusted associate, do declare your consent to me I am looking forward to hear from you immediately for further information:
Thanks with my best regards.
Mr. Azmat Foufana.

Wednesday, 27 May 2020

Lockdown in Edinburgh - A Sunny Mid-Morning

The usually bustling Royal Mile

A deserted Princes Street

Waverley Bridge - not a tourist bus in sight

Saturday, 16 May 2020

Albums of Influence - Part Three

You done too much, much too young, you're married with a kid when you should be having fun...

I don't give two f**ks about your review

Monday, 11 May 2020

Happy Birthday, Ava

Hard to believe this little girl is 10 years old today. Happy birthday, Ava, the apple of her Papa's eye.