Theatre Review: The Mousetrap

The Mousetrap has made it name as the longest-running West End show ever, having run continuously since 1952 – before even I was born! So, when it was announced that this iconic theatrical production was heading to Edinburgh’s Playhouse, it was an event that I felt had to be seen. And, let me say at the beginning, I wasn’t disappointed.

It’s entirely appropriate that Agatha Christie’s classic ‘whodunnit’ has come to Edinburgh. The legendary author married her second husband Max Mallowan at St Cuthbert’s Church at the foot of Lothian Road in 1930 so there has always been an association with the author to Scotland’s capital city. 

Given the nature of the play, I won’t spoil things for those who haven’t yet seen it. The plot is the aftermath of a murder in London. Monkswell Manor, a guest house run by young married couple Giles and Mollie Ralston, welcomes five guests who, upon first impressions, don’t appear to have any connections with each other. Some of the guests are expected, some are not, due to a heavy snowstorm. 

Then the telephone rings. A woman has been murdered in London and the murderer is on the run. The police are warning there is a killer in the vicinity of the guest house and the newly arrived guests are in danger. Who will escape the clutches of the killer? Who is the killer? Is it one of the newly arrived guests?

You’ll need to see the show to find out. 

The characters are, as you might expect, an eclectic bunch with a cantankerous elderly woman, a retired army general and a superbly camp young bachelor. Fans of the classic BBC sitcom Only Fools and Horses will recognise the elderly woman, Mrs Boyle, as Gwyneth Strong who played Rodney Trotter’s wife Cassandra in the hit show.  Geoff Arnold gives a strong performance as the army general as does Lewis Chandler who plays Christopher Wren but the star of the show, in my opinion, is David Alcock who plays the mildly eccentric Mr Paravicini, a character who offers more questions than answers.

As you might expect with an Agatha Christie story, there are no gimmicks or elaborate production features. It’s just good, old-fashioned, edge of your seat quality acting which keeps you hooked throughout. Without giving too much away, the killer reveals themselves to the audience towards the end of the show – and asks the audience to keep the revelation to themselves! I will say nothing more other than, given the characters and one of the cast involved, there’s more than a hint of irony!

The Mousetrap is a high-quality production of a classic Agatha Christie story. It flits between dark humour and suspense and is well worth a visit. But you’d better be quick – the show is only on until this Wednesday!

The Mousetrap is on at the Edinburgh Playhouse until Wednesday 29^th May. 

Two of a Kind

Yesterday saw daughter number one celebrate her 33rd birthday. It doesn't seem that nearly a third of a century has passed since I packed a case for my wife at the time, all ready for the day she was due to give birth, in order she could rush straight to Aberdeen's Maternity Hospital.

On that morning, back in 1986, I awoke my wife and asked if she was okay. She replied she felt absolutely fine.

Would she mind if I went to the Aberdeen-Hearts game that day? Of course not she smiled.

She wasn't smiling 12 hours later when I returned home. I omitted to say the game wasn't being played in Aberdeen. As it was the Scottish Cup final it was in Glasgow - 140 miles away...

But daughter Laura did her bit to save my skin my delaying her entrance to the world by a full week. So, there was no harm done...

Laura now has four children of her own. The oldest, Jack is 14 years old. The youngest, Daniel is just 7 months old. As you might detect from the photos below, there is an uncanny resemblance...

Jack 2005

Daniel 2019

Line of Duty Extra: AC-12 Visits Tynecastle

The excellent BBC1 series Line of Duty ended its fifth series on Sunday evening. However, there is one additional programme which hasn’t aired. Yet…

Scene 1: A conference suite in the new main stand at Tynecastle Park, Edinburgh. Superintendent Ted Hastings is seated, flanked by two senior members of his AC-12 team. Enter Hearts manager Craig Levein accompanied by his legal representative Ann Budge.

TH: Interview commenced 1600 hours. Chaired by Superintendent Hastings, assisted by DI Fleming and DS Arnott. For the tape can you please confirm your name and role.

CL: Craig Levein. Manager of Heart of Midlothian Football Club.

TH: Thank you. This is to confirm, Mr Levein, that this interview is connection with your competency to manage one of Scotland’s leading football clubs. DI Fleming, can you commence proceedings please.

DI Fleming: Item 1 in your folders. This is Hearts record in the last six months which shows just six wins during this time. As someone in charge of one of the top football clubs in Scotland, can you explain this abysmal record?

AB: I must insist you withdraw the word ‘abysmal’. 

TH: Oh? And what word would you use to describe the team’s recent form?

AB: I prefer ‘consistent’. 

TH: Dear Mother of God. Continue DI Fleming.

DI Fleming: This period of ‘abysmal consistency’ includes home defeats to Dundee, Kilmarnock (twice); draws with Livingston and St Mirren and, most damaging, a loss to Hibernian. Can you explain this?

CL: Well, results aren’t everything. 

DI Fleming: What about the 5-0 hammering from Livingston just before Christmas?

CL: I actually believe we’ve played quite well in most of these games. We’ve just been unlucky. And we’ve had a helluva lot of injuries.

TH: I agree, you’ve had more than your fair share of injuries. But with the size of the squad you built during last summer these can’t be described as wholly mitigating circumstances. 

AB: You also need to remember Mr Levein’s own personal issues. He had a health scare back in September. 

TH: Granted. Although the evidence we’ve collated suggests Hearts supporters have a health scare every time they read Mr Levein’s team selection.

DS Arnott: Why did you let talented young players such as Anthony McDonald, Dario Zanatta and Bobby Burns go out on loan? 

CL: They are good young players. They were showing the rest of the team up.

TH: Hmm. Continue please, DS Arnott.

DS Arnott: Item 2 in your folders. You will see from the screen a range of numbers: 4-2-1-2-1; 5-3-1-1; 3-5-1-1; 6-3-1-0; Can you explain what these numbers mean?

CL: I, erm, I…

TH: Just be like Arnaud Djoum and take all the time in the world.

CL (after a pause to sip from a glass of water) It looks like they’re my tactics for some of the games we’ve played recently.

TH: Uh-huh. Is the 6-3-1-0 formation the one you use when visiting Celtic Park and Ibrox?

CL: Yes.

DS Arnott: As a Celtic fan I can confirm this is the case. Hearts barely cross the halfway line.

TH: DS Arnott, I would remind you that you are in character and not Martin Compston for the purpose of this interview.

DS Arnott: Sorry, sir.

TH: So, Mr Levein, how do you account for this lack of adventure when visiting Glasgow?

CL: Well, Celtic and Rangers are big boys and have more money and better players than I have.

TH: DI Fleming, continue please.

DI Fleming: Item 3 in your folders. A photograph of one Craig Wighton.

TH: Mr Levein, can you confirm you signed Mr Wighton from Dundee? 

CL: Yes, I did.

TH: And have you seen Mr Wighton recently?

CL: I saw him last Saturday.

TH: That’s an interesting comment, fella, because no one else has had sight nor sound of him. Particularly opposition defenders who have told this inquiry they’ve never seen him before. This is also borne out by our interviews with thousands of Hearts supporters.

CL: Well, he is on the field. I can assure you of that.

DS Arnott: Item 4 in your folders. A photograph of one Conor Shaughnessy.

TH: Mr Levein, can you confirm you also signed Mr Shaughnessy from Leeds United on loan?

CL: Yes, I did.

TH: Dear, Mother of God. There’s a line. It’s called right and wrong and I know which side my duty lies, so why don’t you write a nice letter of resignation to Mrs Budge or I swear to God I will join the thousands of Hearts supporters protesting vehemently about the performances from the team they love?!

CL (looks at his mobile phone under his desk) Types ‘urgent exit needed’

Gary Locke appears from nowhere and drags CL from the room. At the back of the room, John Robertson smiles and shakes his head knowingly.

To be continued….

A Moving Story

The love of Marion's life - not me, but this fella...

They say among the most stressful things you can do in life is getting a new job, getting divorced and moving to a new house. The last few weeks has seen my levels of stress increase substantially as Marion and I have moved to a new abode. During the packing of various bits and bobs the other week, it crossed my mind there may be grounds for divorce. I’m not talking about arguing with she-who-must-be-obeyed (I wouldn’t dare) but rather what she took with her to our new home.

The present Mrs Smith was browsing through her record collection and deciding which discs she would like to keep for posterity and those she would like to throw out.  The Osmonds, Black Lace, The Dooleys, erm, Max Bygraves...there was a strong smell of cheese emanating from the spare room. She has the original ‘Now That’s What I Call Music’ recordings on vinyl which you can pay a small fortune for in some music stores where vinyl has made a comeback. I was contemplating the wisdom of marrying someone who has such dubious musical taste when, from the ‘collection’, Marion produced another couple of gems (bear with me)

The two gems referred to were – would you believe – football related and were from Scotland’s ill-fated world cup campaigns of years gone by.

Comedian Andy Cameron became famous (or should that be infamous) for his song – although I use the term loosely – Ally’s Tartan Army, the anthem of Scotland’s doomed World Cup campaign of 1978 in Argentina and homage to the manager of the national team at that time Ally MacLeod (it’s okay – you don’t need to dive under the bed). Marion still has the record – possibly one of only a handful of people who still do. In fact, she not only has a copy but it’s a signed copy, with the bold Andy’s signature scribbled over the cover. I was somewhat taken aback by this but the reason she has a signed copy has faded somewhat from her memory. For that perhaps I should be thankful.

As if this wasn’t enough, she then produced another record from Scotland’s next doomed World Cup campaign in Spain in 1982. ‘We Have a Dream’ was sung – again, I use the term loosely – by the Scotland squad by way of taking their minds off the prospect of facing Brazil in Seville. The opening lyric – ‘I awoke in the night with a fever’ may well have been prominent in goalkeeper Alan Rough’s mind as he watched goal after Brazilian goal flash past him as the Scots lost 4-1. However, it’s another line from the song that summed up Scotland’s tale of woe – ‘that’s no the ball yer kickin' ya eejit, it’s me!’ could easily describe defenders Alan Hansen and Willie Miller clattering into each other to allow Russia to score and therefore eliminate the Scots in the final group game. Terrible defending, as Mr Hansen was prone to say when he turned BBC Match of the Day pundit several years later.

Quite why my wife had this particular record in her collection isn’t entirely clear. She certainly can’t remember buying it and could only surmise her late father had purchased the recording back in 1982. 

Both songs have been consigned to the depths of my subconscious mind - have I mentioned I’m a hypnotherapist? Contact me if you have any unwanted habits…but it’s surprising what events can bring such tortuous memories back to the forefront of one’s mind. 

Every cloud has a silver lining. The only positive thing one can take from Scotland’s continual failure over the past 20 years and more to qualify for the finals of a major tournament is that we don’t have to put up with corny – okay, awful – songs recorded by football players who sound like a street full of cats on heat. And there have been some stinkers in decades gone by. Rod Stewart probably doesn’t need reminding of his Ole Ola effort – ‘we’re going to bring the World Cup back from over thar’ and there are many others which make you want to head to a darkened room when you hear them again.  

The last few days have been an ideal opportunity to throw out so much unused rubbish accumulated over the years. However, not only has Marion insisted on taking those recordings by The Osmonds, The Dooleys and Max Bygraves with her to our spanking new home, she’s taking those World Cup ditties with her.

They’re sitting alongside my treasured recording of the Hearts Song from 1986…