Giving It a Rest...

My life has changed in 2012. I left my wife of nearly thirty years in January and it's been a a tough ride on life's emotional rollercoaster. The effect this has had on my two daughters has been more than I thought it would but the change had to be made. When that great singer, Paul Weller, made the decision to leave The Jam thirty years ago - a few months after I got married - he shocked the world. Recently, he spoke of his decision.

'It didn't seem a particularly monumental decision to me. Any radical change in life has an upsetting and awful effect for other people, in whatever relationship. But what's the alternative? You carry on and pretend you're enjoying it? What's the point in that?  Someone's always going to get hurt along the way. You either have to be true to yourself or live a lie. And I'm not prepared to live a lie.'

The great man's words sum up my decision to do what I did ten months ago. I wrote on these pages towards the end of 2011 that this year would bring huge changes in my life. And it has - for the better. I look forward to 2013 and the even bigger and better changes next year promises.

I've been writing drivel on this here blog for nearly 5 years now. When I first started I was a keen blogger, posting almost daily and keen to share my inane ramblings with the world. It's brought me friends from around the world, particularly Australia and the United States. Some people even follow this blog and for that I'm particularly grateful. However, I've decided to - as the Scots say - 'gie it a rest'. I'm not going to delete the blog but I won't be updating very often either. Not that many people read it anyway so it's hardly a loss to the literary world!

I can recommend the blogs of my very good friends. Adullamite, a mature Hearts supporter who lives in England but always has something interesting to say; Lilly and Peggy in Australia, two fabulous bloggers whose view of the world is truly inspiring; and, across the pond, Joanna's blog is a quite brilliant read. There are other blogs listed on the right hand side that are also worth a visit.

It's been a great adventure and I've enjoyed writing my witterings. Thank you to everyone who has visited the blog and commented on my posts. To think talented people from the other side of the world have taken the time to read my gibberish outpourings touches my heart.

I may post again at some point in the months ahead. Hopefully with news of another life changing decision. But for now, it's goodnight from me - but not before another plug for my book, Hearts Greatest Games, still available on Amazon and in all good bookshops!

Life is Precious

'So we create safe rooms and we dance our patterns and we talk to our monsters'. This is a quote from the excellent blog of my very good friend Peggy from 'down under' (visit her blog, it really is an excellent read)

I thought of these words this morning as I surveyed my bruised and battered body having spent Saturday evening in the company of my three brats grandchildren, Jack, Hannah and Ava.Their mother, Laura, was busy making tea in the kitchen while her offspring set about their Papa with gusto. I've grown accustomed to Jack and Hannah treating me like a human climbing frame but now baby Ava - two months away from her first birthday - has learnt quickly from her brother and sister. As I lay on the floor of the children's bedroom being subjected to tanks, jeeps and police cars being driven over me, I was suddenly aware of heavy breathing and someone drooling over me. Baby Ava had made her way from the living room and decided to crawl over her beleaguered Papa in order to grab a toy in the corner of the room. She can crawl at a fair pace of knots and I'm certain she will be walking before her birthday in a few weeks.

With less than a year until I hit the half century, it occurred to me that time passes more quickly the older you get. I've started work on a football article marking the 25th anniversary of Hearts infamous loss to Dundee, a result that cost them a rare league championship in 1986 and I commented on how my wife was expecting our first child at that time. It seems like it was only yesterday I was changing Laura's nappies and having her crawl over me but now her own children are doing so and I wonder just how so many years have gone by so quickly.

The traumatic events of Dundee in May 1986 have never left me but neither has the ecstasy of the events of just two weeks later when Laura was born. Seeing the birth of a child is one of the most wondrous life events there is. Seeing them grow up is part of every day life but something one should never take for granted. Now Laura might read this and think 'Dad's gone off on one again' but she and her sister Michaela remain as precious to me as the day they were born and as precious as my grandchildren are to me now. We Scots can find such things difficult to say but, recalling the events of a quarter of a century ago, my sentiments are sincere. Some things are worth saying.

Such as if only Dundee hadn't brought on Albert Kidd as a substitute that day in 1986...