Given my comments on the Commercial Irritation rant earlier, it may seem a tad hypocritical of me to sample the 'experience' of going to Burger King on Friday evening. A fair point, I concede but given I finished work a bit later than expected and I was heading for a drinking session with fellow of the Hibernian persuasion, the prospect of consuming alcohol on an empty stomach was not one I wished to consider. So I opted for the quick and convenient option. Although those words soon disappeared when I headed to the counter to wait patiently for the spotty faced youth to serve me.
'Can I take your order?'
'I don't know - can you?'
She looked at me somewhat bemused. Given she was not from these shores and her use of grammar was not, perhaps, the best, I decided to help a little. Only a little, mind.
'I would like a cheeseburger and some chips please' I smiled.
'Do you want a meal?'
'I would like a cheeseburger and some chips please' I smiled again.
'Cheeseburger?'
'Yes, I do believe that was what I asked for -twice.'
'Regular fries?'
'As opposed to irregular?'
'No - what size of fries?'
Now my irritation was increasing. 'Just give me some chips'
'Do you want to go large?'
'I'm sorry?'
'Do you want to go large for an extra fifty pence?'
'Excuse me young, lady, that's a very personable question and one that doesn't warrant an answer'
By now, twenty stone Nora from Niddrie who was standing behind me with what seemed like half the contents of the local Lidl store was struggling to conceal her anger. 'Hey, pal, can you no jist get yer meal and go forth and multiply?' (I've translated what she actually said into a form of English)
I sighed 'Just give me a cheeseburger, chips and a small Coca Cola - please!'
'Sitting in?' asked the girl behind the counter.
'Does that cost extra?' I asked. Another bemused look. 'If I can find a table that doesn't have remnants of left over cold burgers, chips - sorry, fries - and onion rings, then yes.'
Burger King - they say they do it your way. Sadly, they won't be doing it my way any more.
