Showing posts with label Heart of Midlothian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heart of Midlothian. Show all posts

Thursday, 26 August 2021

Review: Sweet F.A.

 

Photo: Mike Smith

A couple of years ago, in happier days for stage and theatre before Covid-19 struck and the world was plunged into dark times, there was an excellent stage production - A War of Two Halves - staged at Tynecastle Park, the home of Edinburgh’s oldest and biggest football club Heart of Midlothian.

With lockdown restrictions eased somewhat – for now – the team behind that excellent production is back with another breath-taking piece of theatre. And again, the setting is Tynecastle Park.

With a highly talented nine-strong ensemble, Sweet F.A. written by Paul Beeson and Tim Barrow, and produced by Bruce Strachan is, like A War of Two Halves, set during the First World War and tells the story of football players whose lives are deeply affected by the events in the battlefield. This time, however, the story is of a group of women factory workers at the North British Rubber Company in Edinburgh’s Fountainbridge whose passion for football is almost as strong as their love for their men in the fields of France. The women are involved in the production of wellington boots for their loved ones fighting for their King and country.

Their story of everyday struggle alleviated by their love of football and determination to form a football club at a time when women’s football was most definitely frowned upon by the football authorities is an extremely powerful one.

As you might expect it’s an all-female cast with some stunning individual performances. From the opening scene when Daisy and Alice meet each other for the first time in the Diggers pub – and there’s a nice wee reference for those not familiar with Gorgie’s watering holes as to why the Athletic Arms is called the Diggers – to a highly-charged ending when the football suits in Glasgow finally get their way, Sweet F.A. transports you back to a different era when equality was just a word in the dictionary and women’s rights were restricted to a life looking after their menfolk, raising children and spending most of their time in the family home.

It is a tragic tale in more ways in one. Most of the factory girls are affected by personal loss in the war but this heart-tugging story of courage is also one of forbidden love.  Amidst the emotionally charged scenes, however, there is biting humour and numerous digs at the football authorities in Scotland, including today’s men in suits. It says much for the brilliant writing and production of the show that they can reference into a scene from more than a century ago last season’s controversial SPFL vote which demoted Hearts from the top flight thanks to a missing vote from Dundee F.C.

The action is impressive, too, particularly when the girls play their Edinburgh arch-rivals from Ramage & Ferguson shipbuilders – who, of course, hail from Leith. The women’s teams equivalent of Hearts-Hibs games. The players describe the action in fine detail culminating with a pause for great effect before wildly celebrating a ‘goal’.

The hugely impressive cast successfully convey the story of how popular women’s football was during the First World War. And your admiration for their achievements is accompanied with deep sympathy for the huge emotional turmoil most of them go through. For Daisy and Alice this emotional turmoil has added piquancy.

It’s remarkable to think the ban on women’s football that followed in the early 1920s lasted nearly 50 years – in fact it was longer in Scotland as the narrator explains with understandable bitterness. The frequent digs at Scotland’s football authorities throughout the show went down well with audience, not all of whom were of the maroon persuasion.

Even if you’re not into football you will be inspired by this brilliant production. I didn’t want it to end and there must have been something in my eye towards the end of the performance – honestly!

A five-star review for a five-star performance!

Sweet F.A. is on until Monday 30th August 2021. Tickets here.

 


Monday, 28 January 2019

It's in Gorgie - do you know it?



It’s a distant memory now but one of the many Christmas gifts I received was the book Black Boots & Football Pinks by the brilliant Daniel Gray. Although Daniel is a proud Englishman and supports Middlesbrough, he resides in Leith and, to my mind, this makes him one of Scotland’s best authors.

There’s a chapter in his book about houses overlooking football grounds. Gray ponders what the feelings of those householders are, having in some cases effectively free football just by looking out of their window. 

I lived in Aberdeen many years ago and moved to Scotland’s capital city in 1990. Having secured a job with what was then Lothian Health Board my next task was to secure accommodation, rented at first as a temporary measure. I saw an advert in the Edinburgh Evening News which read ‘city centre flat, one-bedroom and box-room, excellent amenities, ideal for young couple’. As Graeme Souness used to say at that time I thought ‘that’ll do me’.

When I phoned the estate agent the young chap told me the flat was in the Gorgie area of Edinburgh – did I know Gorgie at all? As a Hearts supporter of more than twenty years standing (and falling over) at that point in my life I replied rather too sarcastically ‘I think so’.

He picked me up in his car and pulled into Wheatfield Street. Promising, I thought. Adjacent to Tynecastle home of the mighty Heart of Midlothian FC. He managed to find a parking space with relative ease and showed me into the doorway of a tenement building.

‘I’m afraid it’s the top floor’ he said with an unbecoming grin.

He was right. About 16 flights of stairs later and with me struggling for breath I staggered behind him and fell into the flat. ‘Ah’m no’ taking this’ I muttered under my breath, ‘It will bloody kill me’

I followed him into the living room. Before me was a panoramic view of Tynecastle’s glorious pitch.

‘I’ll take it’ I gasped.

‘I need to show you the rest of the flat’ the estate agent said.

‘No need’ I replied. ‘I’ll take it’.

When my wife at that time saw the flat for the first time she hit me over the head with a copy of the tenancy agreement.

“You did this on purpose!’ she sniped. As if I would…

For six glorious months I and my wife and two young children lived looking on to the home of Heart of Midlothian FC - although being a die-hard Jambo I still nipped down the 16 flights of stairs and a few short paces to the Tynecastle turnstile to pay to get in. Something my wife at the time couldn’t understand.  And I received a sudden rush of requests from friends and family in Aberdeen wanting to spent a weekend in April with us. My wife was joyed at the thought her family were keen to see our new abode. It was nothing to do with the fact Aberdeen were playing Dundee United in the Scottish Cup semi-final at Tynecastle…


Photo: Pie and Bovril website
Needless to say, I loved that flat. It was, as Mr Gray put so eloquently in his book, a 365-day season ticket for my team. I found myself gazing at the pitch even when there was no one from the club around. We moved in during the spring so there were long summer nights when I just stared out of the window, my 6-month old daughter screaming for attention in her cot in the box-room (it was a small flat). I imagined the likes of John Robertson, John Colquhoun and Craig Levein strutting their stuff across the field. I thought of Hearts players from their glorious past, from the golden age of the 1950s, players like Willie Bauld, Alfie Conn and Jimmy Wardhaugh, cup-winning captain Freddie Glidden (who sadly passed away a few weeks ago) and John Cumming. I even imagined Jim Jefferies and Alan Anderson never shirking a tackle. All on that hallowed turf which lay before me.

It's changed days now, of course. Many years have passed since I was in that flat (they day we moved out was the day Margaret Thatcher was ousted from Downing Street, so it wasn’t a complete waste of a day…) I suspect all you will see now from that flat in Wheatfield Street is a looming piece of metal structure that is the back of the Wheatfield Stand.

Which isn’t quite the same as watching Dave McPherson jogging round the Tynecastle pitch on his own in the middle of summer…


Saturday, 22 August 2015

Heart of Midlothian 3 Partick Thistle 0




Heart of Midlothian 3 Partick Thistle 0
Ladbrokes SPFL Premiership, Saturday 22 August 2015 – Tynecastle
For a brief period on Saturday afternoon, Hearts were knocked off their perch at the top of the Ladbrokes SPFL Premiership table. League champions Celtic had defeated Dundee United in the early afternoon kick-off meaning Robbie Neilson’s side – tipped to be champions earlier this week by former captain Steven Pressley – were in second place going into the 3.00pm kick-off against Partick Thistle at Tynecastle. Their fall from top place didn’t last long. By 4.50pm, the marauding maroons were back on top of the league following a fine 3-0 win over the Jags.
Hearts had suffered a pre-match blow when the influential Jamie Walker was ruled out of the game due to a foot injury. Gavin Reilly took his place.
Hearts normally start games in Gorgie in a frenetic fashion. However, on Saturday it was Partick Thistle who applied the early pressure although they didn’t seriously trouble home keeper Neil Alexander. Inevitably, it was Hearts who came closest to scoring when fine play from the skilful Sam Nicholson was almost finished off by Juanma.
It was Sam the Man who almost broke the deadlock after 12 minutes with a ferocious effort from 20 yards which forced Thistle keeper Cerny to push the ball over the bar. Next, skilful play by Hearts captain Alim Ozturk found Prince Buaben who set up a shot for Callum Paterson but the Scotland Under 21 player’s effort on goal was deflected. Then Juanma found Igor Rossi but the defender showed why he is a defender when he volleyed an effort wide of goal.
It was all Hearts now and after 29 minutes, the Maroons duly went ahead. Nicholson’s corner was headed on by Paterson and as the Thistle defence tried desperately tried to clear, Osman Sow showed a predator’s instinct by prodding home from six yards.
Half-time Hearts 1 Partick Thistle 0
After an initial flurry from the visitors trying to get back into the game, Hearts almost doubled their lead ten minutes into the second half. Great play from Buaben set Sam Nicholson free. The young winger hared in on goal and looked certain to score. However, he pulled his shot agonisingly wide and Tynecastle collectively groaned.
Nonetheless, the youngster didn’t let his head go down. Minutes later, Hearts were awarded a penalty kick when Paterson was brought down in the penalty box. Juamna’s spot-kick was saved by Cerny but Sam Nicholson was the quickest to react to the rebound and blasted home for Hearts second goal.
Just two minutes later, Nicholson was involved again when he played Juanma through on goal and the Spaniard showed real composure to chip the ball over the Thistle keeper to make it 3-0 and seal the points for the Maroons.
The Firhill side have only scored two league goals all season so their chances of getting anything from the game were slim to say the least. They nearly pulled a goal back with ten minutes left when substitute Osman headed goalwards but Hearts young substitute Sean McKirdy cleared off the line.
Gavin Reilly almost made it 4-0 but the former Queen of the South striker’s fine effort was pushed away by Cerny.
There was just enough time for Hearts to introduce yet another product of their flourishing youth academy when 16-year-old Calumn Morrison was given a late run out.
At the end of another fine afternoon, Hearts were back on top of the Ladbrokes Premiership after a fifth league win on the bounce. Yet, afterwards, Robbie Neilson was still not entirely happy.
“We were a bit wasteful in the first half,” he told the official Hearts website. “We got into good areas but didn’t create a lot of great chances.
We were OK today, not great. The second half was better in terms of attacking, and I’m pleased with the clean sheet, but there’s a lot we could have done better.”
It’s this kind of attitude that will ensure Hearts continue to make such astonishing progress under Neilson and Craig Levein. A title challenge this season? Perhaps not. But a top six finish is certainly achievable.
Hearts: Alexander, Paterson, Ozturk, Rossi, Oshaniwa, Sow (King, 64'), Buaben (McKirdy, 74'), Gomis, Nicholson, Reilly, Juanma (Morrison, 86'). 
Partick Thistle: Cerny, Miller, Seaborne, Welsh (Osman, 61'), Booth, Amoo (McDaid, 74'), Bannigan, Doolan, Stevenson (Lawless, 56'), Frans, Fraser. 
Referee: John Beaton
Att: 16,657
Top man: Sam Nicholson


Saturday, 29 March 2014

Listen To Me, Son...



Now, little Max, listen to your wise old Papa. You may be just three weeks old and your father may be trying to influence you to support Hibernian FC, being as you're his first child and he wants you to visit the Echo Arena to try and fill the vast areas of empty green seats. It's your life, wee fella. and it's your choice. However, before you commit yourself to Edinburgh's 'other' team you can:

  • Choose winning the Scottish Cup 8 times, 3 of those in the last 16 years.

  • Choose the last Scottish Cup triumph, hammering the Hibees 5-1 at Hampden in the all-Edinburgh final of 2012

  • Choose a wonderful history

  • Choose Rudi Skacel

  • Choose John Robertson, Hammer of the Hibees

  • Choose Drew Busby

  • Choose winning the league and scoring 132 league goals in one season

  • Choose 22 games in a row undefeated against Hibs

  • Choose hammering Hibs 4-0 in the Scottish Cup semi-final in 2006

Quite simply, Max - choose Hearts. There is no other sensible choice...

Sunday, 30 September 2012

So I Was in This Pub...




...enjoying a Friday off work and savouring the delights of a pint or two of Belhaven Best. When two little blighters ran over and began pestering me.

'Can I have a taste of your beer, Papa?'

'No, you can't, now go away you small children'

I dunno, children in pubs - what's the world coming to? I only popped in to celebrate my daughter Michaela's 23rd birthday. It turned out to be two for the price of one as her sister Laura was there with Jack and Hannah.

The following day didn't turn out to be the best of days. My afternoon spent at Tynecastle watching the famous Heart of Midlothian was two hours of my life I won't get back. A 3-1 defeat from Kilmarnock, Hearts 'bogey' team put something of a dampener on the day. Still, as most Hearts supporters of my generation will tell you, being a Jambo has more ups and downs than a liftman's nightmare. Hearts won 3-0 at Dundee United last week so it was inevitable they would follow up this fine performance with an abysmal showing.

In an effort to console myself, I headed to the cinema on Saturday evening to watch the latest film version of Sweeney. Growing up in the 1970s I loved watching the television version on ITV starring John Thaw and Denis Waterman. The 2012 film version stars Ray Winstone and Ben Drew (who I was reliably informed by the lovely Marion is pop star Plan B) as Jack Regan and George Carter respectively.

Now I was always going to compare the 2012 film with the 1970s television series but I have to say I was disappointed with the new film. It's clearly aimed at the American market and it seemed a tad unrealistic to me. There was a nod to the film that made Winston famous in the late 1970s - Scum - where the DI was sent briefly to prison. His march along the prison corridor carrying his clothes and the scene where he puts a couple of radio batteries in a sock with a view to assaulting a fellow inmate was a not too subtle reference to Winston's role as Carling in the borstal drama of three decades ago.

However, I left the cinema disappointed. And somewhat irritated by the cost of a hotdog - £4.50 for a small sausage in a only slightly larger finger roll.

Now it's my least favourite time of the week. Sunday night. I'm about to crack open a can or two of Belhaven Best. But first, I'll just check there are no children at the door...

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Hearts Greatest Games


My latest book - Hearts Greatest Games - is published today.

The William Hill Scottish Cup final of 2012 was the most important Edinburgh derby in history. Hearts, as befitting a club who have dominated their local rivals for nearly 140 years, brought their capital domination to new levels, humiliating Hibs 5-1 to lift their eighth Scottish Cup.
This historic game is recalled in this book along with 49 other classic Hearts games from 1891 to the present day. Hammering Hibs is a recurring theme with the 8-3 win in 1935, the 4-1 win in 1973, the 5-1 win in 2002, the 4-0 win in 2005 and the 4-0 Scottish Cup semi final thrashing in 2006 all featured.
However, this book isn’t just about Hearts dominance over their great rivals. It recalls some great triumphs by Edinburgh’s finest club over the years both domestically and in Europe. From the Scottish Cup triumphs over Dumbarton in 1891 and Celtic in 1956 to more recent famous wins over Bayern Munich, Bordeaux and Basle, this book is a must read for every Hearts supporter.
With a foreword from Hearts all time leading league goalscorer, John Robertson, the book is available from all good bookshops and from Amazon.co.uk

Please buy one and make an old man very happy!




Saturday, 25 June 2011

Quite Simply Wrong

                                          Vladimir Romanov

I usually refer to football related stories on my other blog On the Terracing but this posting will hopefully relate to a wider audience.

Hearts player Craig Thomson appeared in court in Edinburgh last week and plead guilty to two charges of indecent behaviour for lewd and libidinous behaviour towards two girls aged 12 and 14 years over the internet. He was fined £4,000 and placed on the Sex Offenders Register. The player has apologised for his crimes and Hearts said his "grave error of judgement" was due to "naivety and possible wrong outside influence". Nonetheless, the club have decided not to sack the player and are standing by him. On Friday evening, Hearts issued a statement, part of which read:

"For almost seven years we have been fighting to shield the club from crooks, criminals and thieves.
Many of the top players at the club have felt the bitter results of the swindles that have been carried out with them on their own skin. Skacel and Webster have returned to the club after realising where these 'football patriots' have led them. Every year Hearts fights to be in the top three, but even last season in the last 12 games of the season it was almost like someone replaced the team with a different one. Whose fault is that? Players'? Managers? Or it is mafia.?"

This statement purports to be from the club but it's fair to say this is another rant from Hearts owner Vladimir Romanov.

Understandably, the decision to keep Thomson at Tynecastle - and the subsequent statement -  has sparked a furious reaction from the majority of the club's supporters. I have received numerous emails from people wondering asking what my take is on this. My view is you can't defend the indefensible. Hearts used to be a club that stood for dignity. What Craig Thomson did was wrong and he should have been sacked, no matter that he has now apologised. Hearts promote themselves to be a family club, the 'Heart and Soul' of Edinburgh. Can they really try and continue to promote the idea of attracting families to Tynecastle when children are watching a convicted sex offender on the field of play? A player who has become - until this sordid incident - a role model for thousands of young Hearts supporters. I took my grandson Jack to Tynecastle last season but will be loathe to do so again knowing he will be seated just yards away from a convicted sex offender - one who has admitted his crimes.

There's now an active and fast growing campaign by Hearts supporters to have Thomson thrown out of Tynecastle. A protest is planned for the pre-season friendly in three weeks. As for Vlad, the Hearts support needs to show that this, quite frankly ridiculous, statement (and some other Vlad actions and statements) are not in the name of the club's most important people  - the supporters. Without us, Hearts are nothing.

Heart of Midlothian FC used to stand for respect, decency and dignity. It presently stands for the exact opposite. No one, it seems, is capable or has the will to stand up against Mr Romanov; to tell the man in Lithuania that his actions and what he wants publicised on the club's website is quite simply wrong. Until someone does, he will continue to make a once famous club a laughing stock.

For me and thousands like me, this is no laughing matter.

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Life is Precious


'So we create safe rooms and we dance our patterns and we talk to our monsters'. This is a quote from the excellent blog of my very good friend Peggy from 'down under' (visit her blog, it really is an excellent read)

I thought of these words this morning as I surveyed my bruised and battered body having spent Saturday evening in the company of my three brats grandchildren, Jack, Hannah and Ava.Their mother, Laura, was busy making tea in the kitchen while her offspring set about their Papa with gusto. I've grown accustomed to Jack and Hannah treating me like a human climbing frame but now baby Ava - two months away from her first birthday - has learnt quickly from her brother and sister. As I lay on the floor of the children's bedroom being subjected to tanks, jeeps and police cars being driven over me, I was suddenly aware of heavy breathing and someone drooling over me. Baby Ava had made her way from the living room and decided to crawl over her beleaguered Papa in order to grab a toy in the corner of the room. She can crawl at a fair pace of knots and I'm certain she will be walking before her birthday in a few weeks.

With less than a year until I hit the half century, it occurred to me that time passes more quickly the older you get. I've started work on a football article marking the 25th anniversary of Hearts infamous loss to Dundee, a result that cost them a rare league championship in 1986 and I commented on how my wife was expecting our first child at that time. It seems like it was only yesterday I was changing Laura's nappies and having her crawl over me but now her own children are doing so and I wonder just how so many years have gone by so quickly.

The traumatic events of Dundee in May 1986 have never left me but neither has the ecstasy of the events of just two weeks later when Laura was born. Seeing the birth of a child is one of the most wondrous life events there is. Seeing them grow up is part of every day life but something one should never take for granted. Now Laura might read this and think 'Dad's gone off on one again' but she and her sister Michaela remain as precious to me as the day they were born and as precious as my grandchildren are to me now. We Scots can find such things difficult to say but, recalling the events of a quarter of a century ago, my sentiments are sincere. Some things are worth saying.

Such as if only Dundee hadn't brought on Albert Kidd as a substitute that day in 1986...

Monday, 25 October 2010

Jack of Hearts


Back in August I wrote about taking my five year old grandson Jack to Tynecastle for his very first football game. Hearts played St. Johnstone in the opening league game of the season and as we headed along Edinburgh's Gorgie Road to the game with the wee man resplendent in his Hearts top (okay, so it was last season's top as it was considerably cheaper than buying this season's monstrosity and it might have been a bit too big for him but it was all the club shop had left..) I felt my heart swell with pride. This was a truly historic moment - Jack's first Hearts game.

I recalled my first Hearts game way back in 1968 when my father took me to Falkirk in the days when I lived in Cumbernauld. Many like-minded devotees of the famous Heart of Midlothian recall their first Hearts game and I felt sure Jack would remember this tumultuous day and regale it to his children and grandchildren in decades to come.

Alas, Jack didn't find the experience particularly joyous and seemed underwhelmed by the occasion. In fact he asked if he could go home after just ten minutes. Fair enough, I thought to myself - my plan to introduce him to the sometimes despairing life of being a Hearts supporter had backfired. And I couldn't really blame him. However, I was touched when he told me on the journey home that he wanted to go back again. Bless him, I thought, he doesn't want to upset me.

So it was something of a surprise when, more than two months later, Jack told me wanted to go back to the football. I asked him several times if he was sure as he was clearly unhappy first time around. 'No' he insisted, 'I want to go with you'.

Thus, Jack sat next to me at Tynecastle on Saturday as Hearts demolished St. Mirren 3-0. The scoreline apart, it was much the same as his first visit. He was happy enough pre-match. He devoured the hot dog I purchased and guzzled his carton of blackcurrant juice quite happily. He pondered the antics of the Hearts mascot Tynie Tiger and the expression on his face clearly illustrated he just wondered why the hell would someone dress as a maroon and white tiger with a giant head and prance around the field like an idiot...But when the game itself started Jack became bored and wanted to go home. He sat restless in the freezing cold  for ninety minutes, oblivious to Rudi Skacel's marvellous hat-trick. However, as we headed out of the ground at the end of the game, he looked up to me and said 'Papa, that was good, can I go to the next game?'

I ruffled his hair and laughed and said 'Let's go to McDonald's...' I admired his sensitivity for one so young and felt proud that a such an early age, Jack was thinking about others - a trait to be admired in this day and age. It damn well nearly brought a tear to my eye.

On Saturday evening I spoke to the infamous Mrs Smith on the telephone. It's the only way we communicate these days (okay, if truth be told she was in Aberdeen visiting relatives) With her female intuition she remarked that Jack simply loves being with his Papa. He loved the bus journey to the game and back, he talked incessantly on both journeys, he loved his hot dog and relished  - if you'll pardon the pun - the trip to McDonald's afterwards. Mrs Smith told me it was patently obvious why Jack wants to go back to the football - not for the game itself but to spend the afternoon with his Papa.

And there's my dilemma. I also cherish my time spent with Jack. But I don't want him to sit through a football game he doesn't enjoy just so he can spend time with me. The obvious answer is for me to take the wee fella somewhere else other than the football. Which I will do  - just not on a Saturday afternoon.

I'm hoping Jack will develop an interest in football now he has started primary school. And if he does then I'll be ready to take him back to Tynecastle where hopefully we can both enjoy the match day experience. Of course there's an outside chance he may choose to follow Edinburgh's wee team Hibernian.  If he does I will do what any self-respecting Hearts supporting grandad would do.











I'll disown him.......

Monday, 23 August 2010

It's an Education


My five year old grandson Jack started school today for the first time. It's the first of what will hopefully be many momentous days in his life. First day at primary school, first day at secondary school, leaving school, falling in love, leaving home, getting married, raising children...

Of course he may decide not to get married or raise children and he will make his own decisions as he grows older. Such is life. It only seems a short time ago I was taking a photograph of Jack's mother going to school for the first time in August 1991. Who knows what life has in store for the wee fella - what I do know is he won't go without love and guidance from his family. And, no doubt, cash from his Papa.

Actually, today was the second momentous day in young Jack's life thus far. Nine days ago I took him to Tynecastle Stadium in Edinburgh for his first ever Hearts game. Watching Hearts and going to school within a matter of days. At five years old, wee Jack is already finding out that life isn't always a bed of roses. As his pose above perhaps indicates...

Sunday, 21 March 2010

If Carlsberg Made Saturdays...


...they would be like Saturday 20 March 2010.

In the early afternoon I watched Hearts demolish Hibernian in the Edinburgh derby. Read about it here: http://ontheterracing.blogspot.com/2010/03/heart-of-midlothian-2-hibernian-1.html

Okay, it was only 2-1 to Edinburgh's finest football team but it could - and should - have been much more.

Later, I caught some of the action on the television from Dublin as Scotland's rugby players recorded a rare victory - their first in the Six Nations this season - by defeating Ireland 23-20 at Croke Park. Their unexpected win denied the Irish another Triple Crown.
To round things off, I headed to Edinburgh's Picture House music venue to see the legends that are The Beat in concert. The master purveyors of ska and reggae were on top form as usual - even if Ranking Junior's mobility was restricted as he had done his back in! Meanwhile, his father Ranking Roger pranced around on stage like he was a child! The Beat gave us all the old classics - Save It For Later, Ranking Full Stop, Best Friend among many - as well as some impressive new songs.

Yes, Saturday was a grand day!

Thursday, 29 October 2009

Misery - The Key to Happiness

The key to a happy relationship could be accepting that some miserable times are unavoidable, experts say. Therapists from California State University, Northridge and Virginia Tech say accepting these problems is better than striving for perfection. And they blame cultural fairytales and modern love stories for perpetuating the myth that enjoying a perfect relationship is possible.

From the BBC News Website

Now this news report from 2007 - which I stumbled upon tonight - doesn't reveal anything startling. I got married on 19 June 1982 and it didn't take me long to realise miserable times were ahead - in fact it was the early hours of 20 June 1982...

It's being miserable that keeps me going. First thing in the morning is when I'm at my worst. Another hellish day lies ahead at work; the joys of Edinburgh's public transport system means it will take me at least an hour to get to the office with the inevitable roadworks on at least one part of the journey in adding to this; now winter is here it's dark and raining most mornings; and today I was asked by a colleague at work if I would be joining the Secret Santa charade at the dreaded Office Christmas Party. Ask me in December, I protested although it's a near certainty you'll get the same answer - not bloody likely.

Those cheery types who bounce into the office first thing in the morning with a smile and an irritating 'Hi! How are you?' really irritate the hell out of me. Some people tell me I should adopt a more positive outlook on life and that I will live longer as a result. Which begs the question - why the hell would I want to live longer? Life is pretty shit as it is - and this year has been one helluva year...

So, as the story above says miserable times are unavoidable. As a fortysomething with two daughters and two grandchildren - and another brat on the way - as well as being lumbered with being a fan of Heart of Midlothian FC - you certainly won't find me disagreeing!

Wednesday, 14 October 2009

What's the Score? Football in the Seventies



We live in an age where communication is instant. Indeed, we demand it to be so. Satellite technology and the advance of the internet and mobile phones means that no matter where you are in the world you can have almost instant access to any sporting event worth its salt. It’s a far cry from when I first began going to football back in the late 1960s.

Back then, satellite technology was in its infancy. Yes, the USA were putting men on the moon but life in Scotland was literally more down to earth. Football was different four decades ago. There were only two divisions, First and Second with eighteen teams in the top flight. Teams would play each other just twice a season in the league and if my team Hearts were playing away - always on a Saturday afternoon in the days before games were covered live on television - the reserve team would be playing our opponents reserve team at Tynecastle.

Hearts struggled throughout the 1970s and attendances at Tynecastle were about half what they are now. On cold winter afternoons with a biting wind and lashing rain fans would huddle in the old Tynecastle shed urging on the likes of Rab Prentice, Drew Busby and Donald Ford. Unless you had a transistor radio with you - it’s a seventies thing, younger readers - getting the half-time scores from other games usually meant forking out a shilling (five pence) for a programme (in the days before they were called match day magazines). The other fixtures would be printed with capital letters next to them and a man would climb the half-time scoreboard on the Gorgie Road terracing slotting numbers on the board. For example, next to the letter A he would place 1-1. A quick look at the programme would show Aberdeen were drawing at home to Hibernian…

I was living in Aberdeen in 1971 when Partick Thistle recorded their famous League Cup Final triumph over Celtic, who were then one of the best clubs in Europe. I was at Pittodrie with a friend and there were huge hoots of derision when the fella on the half-time scoreboard on the then wide open Pittodrie terracing put 4-0 next to the letter A. The silly man must have got the score the wrong way round we assumed. As if Thistle would be four nil up against Celtic at half time we chortled. Astonishingly, it was true…

Back in the 1970s, the term mobile phone meant someone picking up their old dialling contraption and throwing it across the living room on discovering on BBC1’s Grandstand results service that their team had lost at Arbroath. In fact, a good many households didn’t even have a telephone - we didn’t get one in our house until 1976. The internet was something connected with the space agency NASA. The radio was the main source of getting updated football scores and tuning into Radio Scotland was a challenge in itself. No digital radio then, of course. It was VHF and medium wave and I seem to recall Radio Scotland being an extension of BBC Radio Four. So much so, that Sportsound - or Sportsreel I think it was called back then - didn’t start until 3.30pm on a Saturday afternoon. When I lived in Aberdeen as a child I used to spend an anxious half an hour from three o-clock on a Saturday wondering how the mighty - okay this was the 1970s so not so mighty - Jambos were getting on. It was at this time my pessimistic streak developed and has remained with me to this day. Hearts away to Dumbarton? Ach, they’ll skoosh it. By half past three, we’re bound to be at least three goals ahead. Then the dulcet tones of presenter Brian Marjoriebanks would come on and after updating us on Celtic and Rangers first - some things never change - eventually he would advise ‘and the latest from Boghead is that Dumbarton lead Hearts by a goal to nil…’ I soon learned to accept crushing disappointment as a way of life. As my father used to say to me ‘well, son, you chose to follow Hearts…’

Those of us who grew up in the 1970s and were avid football fans will remember the magnificent David Francey as Radio Scotland’s commentator supreme. Francey sounded like a loveable grandad, someone who would offer you sweets when you were expressly forbidden to have anything to eat before supper. ‘Oh and there’s a drive from the edge of the penalty box which has just whistled past the left hand post of Jim Cruickshank’ - his commentary often gave us better pictures that Archie Macpherson did in the edited television highlights on Saturday evening. Having said that, taking a radio to the game to get the other scores was often fraught with danger. When Hearts needed just a point from that game at Dens Park on the final day of season 1985-86 and hoped Celtic wouldn’t get the avalanche of goals they needed at St. Mirren to address their inferior goal difference the fella standing in front of me at Dundee dared to relay the news that The Hoops were four nil ahead at half-time. He was either very brave or very stupid depending on your view…

When the dust had settled on a Saturday afternoon and all the results were in the Hearts result would determine whether I nipped down the road to the local newsagent for a copy of the Saturday sports paper which was rushed out shortly after five o’clock and had all the results and brief match reports from the top games. Nearly every city had one. In Edinburgh it was the Pink News, printed on horrendous pink paper; in Aberdeen it was the Green Final printed on - well, you get the picture. After scouring through the paper to get scores and reports your hands were usually black with newsprint. I still recall the air of anticipation waiting in the newsagents for the screeching sound of the delivery van whose driver would lob a freshly printed batch of papers toward the door of the shop with the accuracy of a Danny McGrain throw in.

We forty something fans are often accused of looking at the past through rose-tinted - or in my case maroon-tinted spectacles. However, I can’t deny there were some truly awful games at Tynecastle three decades and more ago. Moreover, it’s difficult to imagine going to games now without having instant access to other scores through mobile phone and satellite technology.
However, there was an innocence about the days before mass technology I miss. The days before everything was sponsored, strips were emblazoned with names and most of us actually stood on the terracing for ninety minutes. On the other hand I don’t miss standing on the wide-open terracings in the middle of winter with the rain running down the back of your neck; the pissheads who stumbled through the turnstyles at 2.55pm having been in the pub for the past three hours and who would urinate down the back of your leg; or the ever present threat of violence that meant when you wore your team’s scarf walking down the road you were asking for a kicking.

Something I’ll hang on to next time Christian Nade’s attempt on goal knocks a Blackberry from the hands of a fan in row 25 of the Gorgie Stand…

Saturday, 12 September 2009

Customer Service Rant No. 94

Fate has decreed that I must follow the fortunes of Heart of Midlothian Football Club. As fellow blogger Adullamite will testify whenever Hearts are concerned it's a case of expect the unexpected. With one notable exception - customer services. The week after next Hearts are due to play Dunfermline Athletic in a League Cup tie that isn't covered by one's season ticket. However, Hearts have displayed, with some prominence, on their website that season ticket holders had until 5.00pm on Saturday 12 September to purchase a ticket for their existing seat. For convenience, Hearts add, why not try the all singing, all dancing official website and purchase your ticket on-line?

A grand idea, I thought, so I tried on-line this morning to reserve my seat. Having struggled with the Hearts website before it was perhaps inevitable that it wasn't showing as available. So I telephoned the ticket hot-line....

Thank you for calling the Heart of Midlothian Ticket Centre. Please choose from the following options:

Press 1 if wish to be kept on hold for ten minutes

Press 2 if you wish to be thanked for your patience

Press 3 to be told all our ticket operators are busy right now but someone will speak to you as soon as possible

Press 4 if you want a patronising message stating you can purchase tickets on-line at
http://www.cannaebebotheredansweringthatbloodyphone.com/

Press 5 to speak a less than helpful sales person who didn't appear to be working from Tynecastle and gave the impression she didn't know where it was.

Me: I wish to buy a ticket for my existing seat for the Dunfermline game next week. I sit in the Wheatfield Stand.

HoMFC: The what stand?

Me: Wheatfield.

HoMFC: Weet?

Me: No, Wheatfield. Shall I spell it for you?

HoMFC: No, it's okay, I've got it.

I gave the girl with the English accent my seat details.

HoMFC: No, that seat is not available. I can give you one four rows away.

Me: What do you mean my seat isn't available?

HoMFC: It's been sold.

Me: Sold, eh? Your website states season ticket holders have until five o'clock tonight to buy their own seats. So why has mine been sold?

HoMFC: It's a case of first come, first served.

Me: So you lied on your website?

HoMFC: No, I didn't lie. I don't make the rules...

Not for the first time Hearts have shown complete disregard for their supporters. The seat I do have a ticket for isn't a million miles away from my own seat but this isn't the point. Heart of Midlothian FC have stated one thing and then gone and done another. Hardly likely to encourage fans to go to Tynecastle during these difficult days of recession.

It seems to me that customer service skills at Tynecastle - or wherever the ticket sales office is based (I have my suspicions it isn't Gorgie) are like goals from Christian Nade.

In short supply...

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Hearts in Europe

From the BBC Website as the full-time whistle blew in Croatia following Hearts latest foray into European competition:

2148: Dinamo Zagreb have had 21 shots, Hearts have had one, say the stats. And you know what they say: the stats don't lie. (Except on those occasions when they do.)
It ended Dinamo Zagreb 4 Hearts 0.
A plea to the marketing people at Tynecastle. Please don't start the 'we're not out yet' p*sh for next week's return match. Tonight's display was an embarrassment and it's very likely we'll get horsed next week too.
So, don't. Just don't...

Friday, 31 July 2009

Seeds of Happiness? Aye, Right...

BRITAIN could be a happier place next week, thanks to a unique psychological experiment aimed at spreading smiles around the country. For five days, starting on Monday, thousands of people will be invited to go online and try one of four proven mood-boosting techniques.The idea is to plant seeds of happiness, which then "infect" others, sending waves of cheerfulness across recession-hit Britain. Polls conducted before and after the experiment will assess whether it has worked.Professor Richard Wiseman, who is leading the study, has high hopes that it will, if enough people participate.

From The Scotsman

Waves of cheerfulness? As I write this, it's the last day in July. It's raining, far too dark for our supposed summer and the weather forecast is for more rain. Having spent far too much money in Dublin a couple of weeks ago I'm financially embarrassed. True, the football season is just around the corner but the European results of Scots clubs this week gives fans in this country sweet FA to look forward to. In any case, Hearts are being threatened by the Tax Man. To be fair to the man from the Inland Revenue he does have a soft side. He sent me a letter a few weeks ago telling me my tax return was outstanding. Which I thought was particularly nice given I couldn't remember sending one in the first place. But I digress...

Waves of cheerfulness? Try being in Edinburgh when the bloody Festival is about to start. And the city has even more bloody tourists than usual. Try going to work in the morning and fighting through dozens of non-English speaking visitors to the capital who are trying to work out the best way to get to Princes Street. Not on my bloody bus, mate.

Waves of cheerfulness? Try being in Edinburgh while striking binmen refuse (see what I did there?) to clear debris from the streets and the rubbish piles even higher and the seagulls swoop incessantly. And the city centre resembles the biggest building site in the world all in the name of bloody trams.

Waves of cheerfulness? Try working in the Human Resources profession when it appears about every second person in the company you work for claims to have bloody swine flu. Try working your backside off when you may have something ten times worse than swine flu - Man Flu. That's even more difficult to diagnose as men generally don't complain when they fall victim to this - we just get on with things as I'm sure the female readers of this blog will concur.

Waves of cheerfulness? Try being treated as a human assault course by four year old and soon to be two year old brats - sorry, loveable grandchildren.

So, Professor Wiseman, I suggest you take your seeds of happiness and stick them where the sun don't shine. Which, this summer, could be anywhere in Scotland...

Wednesday, 15 July 2009

Big John Hartson's Biggest Battle



Former Wales, Arsenal and Celtic striker John Hartson is in a critical condition after emergency surgery on his brain following a cancer diagnosis. At the weekend, 34-year-old Hartson was told he had testicular cancer. The disease spread to his brain and on Wednesday, doctors confirmed it was also present in his lungs. A hospital statement read: "He is currently being cared for by the critical care team at Morriston and is receiving round-the-clock care aiming to stabilise his condition. He will resume radiotherapy and chemotherapy as soon as possible."

From the BBC News Website

It's the news everyone dreads. Cancer that is so widespread the chances of survival are slim. John Hartson scored a fair few goals for Celtic and for Wales over recent years. His big frame made him the ideal target man and he put my team Hearts to the sword on many an occasion. Last season he was a pundit on the now defunct Setanta Sports channel and his very presence in the studio or commentary box commanded respect. That the news that his cancer is so advanced will be a terrible shock not only to John but his family.

It doesn't seem that long ago that we were giving Big John pelters from the Tynecastle stands. It was all part of the banter of football and the Welshman accepted it with good grace. Unlike some of his Celtic team mates, I never heard Hartson say a bad word about Hearts. Even in his Setanta duties he praised Hearts for their efforts last season.

He is just 34 years old and is a father of three. He and his family will be devastated by this shocking news. I hope they find the strength to cope with it.

Saturday, 16 May 2009

16 May 1998


Celtic Park, Glasgow. A day in history. A day no Hearts fan who was there will ever forget. The day Heart of Midlothian ended 36 years of hurt by lifting the Scottish Cup after defeating Rangers 2-1 in the final. Goals by Colin Cameron and Stephane Adam meant Hearts lifted their first piece of major silverware since 1962. After three and a half decades of abject failure, relegation and near bankruptcy, Hearts were winners again.

Grown men and women in maroon wept that day as a tide of emotion washed over them. The dream had come true. Edinburgh - most of it - partied all weekend as the Hearts players paraded the cup through the streets of the old city and on to Tynecastle Stadium for a truly emotional homecoming. It was the culmination of a season when Hearts had consistently produced a sparkling brand of fluent, attacking football which delighted the purists.

So many jokes, so many sneers. And all those oh so nears. But we never stopped dreaming. And on 16 May 1998 Hearts Scottish Cup winning team finally made the dream come true...

Friday, 10 April 2009

The Real Mackay


The latest edition of the excellent FourFourTwo magazine contains an interview with a man who epitomises a great Scottish football institution - Dave Mackay. Years ago, before Scottish football was in the rather shambolic state it finds itself now, there were some great Scots who would grace any side in the world. Celtic's Jimmy Johnstone, Rangers Jim Baxter, Manchester United's Denis Law. There was no one better, however, than the man who drove the glorious Heart of Midlothian team of the 1950s.

Now 74 years of age, Mackay demonstrated in the interview that he has lost none of the sheer grit, determination and will to win that were his trademark. Here are some of his quotes from the interview:

At 14 years old, just to get near Tynecastle was a dream - I used to walk three miles to get early so I could sneak under the turnstile because I couldn't afford to get in.

I used to enjoy Christmas and New Year - because we beat Hibs.

When I did my National Service I made sure I behaved myself. That way I would get the weekend off to go and play for my beloved Hearts.

On that photograph of him and Billy Bremner - I didn't like it as it portrayed me as a bully. Bremner was a brilliant little player - but a dirty bastard!

When I was manager of Derby County we won the league with one game to go. Ipswich lost a midweek game while we were having our Player of the Year dinner. The celebrations started right away and I told the players 'help yourselves' I couldn't care less because we'd won the league but the players were still drunk when we played the following Saturday!

I'll always be a Hearts fan, my family are all Hearts fans - although my wife supports Hibs! And she's been my priciest purchase! Just kidding - she'll batter me...

All I can say is Mrs Mackay must be a formidable woman. The FourFourTwo feature was one of the best I've read for some time. Although I never saw the great man play for Hearts - he was sold to Tottenham Hotspur three years before I was born - the legend that is Dave Mackay still burns brightly in Gorgie. When I wrote an article about him for the Hearts programme a few years ago, the programme editor at the time told me Mackay had taken the time to contact the club to say thanks for the tribute. Small wonder greatness is bestowed upon him.

We'll never see his like again.

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Love Hurts


Apparently today is Valentine’s Day. I’ve been married for nearly twenty-seven years now (yes, more than three life sentences) so romantic gestures are simply no longer on my agenda. Although unlike blogger extraordinaire Adullamite I've not buried the bitch in the back garden...

How many Hearts fans will forgo their normal post-match pint after today's game at Tynecastle to take their beloved out for a meal? Certainly not I. Given who Hearts opponents are this afternoon there is every chance the woman who stood at the altar with a shotgun pressed against my back more than a quarter of a century ago will hark back to a certain Scottish Cup Final in 1986...

Season 1985-86 was a memorable one for all Hearts supporters, even given its traumatic finale. Unbeaten in league and cup since October, Hearts were just eight minutes away from winning the league championship. They needed just a single point from their final league game at Dundee on May 3rd to become champions of Scotland for the first time in over a quarter of a century. Sadly, Hearts lost two late goals which meant Celtic - 5-0 victors over St. Mirren the same day - snatched the title on goal difference. Whilst the infamous Albert Kidd was destroying thousands of Jambo dreams on Tayside, sixty miles north - we were living in Aberdeen at the time - my wife was experiencing trauma of a different kind. She was heavily pregnant with our first child and was due to give birth the following Saturday - the date of the Scottish Cup Final. Between Hearts and Aberdeen…

In the depths of despair I arrived home from my traumatic experience in Dundee to find Mrs Smith in a state of discomfort. Now, being the loving, caring, compassionate guy I am I would normally have rushed Mrs Smith down the road to Aberdeen Maternity Hospital. But when she said ‘it’s okay, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about’ that was enough for me to agree and head to bed. Thanks to Albert Kidd I just couldn’t face the world that Saturday night.

Thankfully, Mrs Smith was okay although the ear-bashing I received from her mother the following day probably registered on the Richter Scale (every bit as much as the trauma in Dundee had twenty-four hours earlier) But if ma-in-law was displeased then it was nothing to the rage she felt a week later.
Saturday May 10th 1986 - the day our first child was due to be born. And also the day of the Hearts-Aberdeen Scottish Cup Final - 140 miles away at Hampden Park in Glasgow. Now, in my defence, I did ask Mrs Smith early that morning if she was okay to which she replied she felt fine and would likely be going into town to do some shopping. So when I asked if she would mind if I went to the Hearts-Aberdeen game she readily agreed, not wanting me to make a fuss over her. Not in my defence is the fact I did nothing to change the idea in her head that the game was at Pittodrie - I had inadvertently forgot to tell her the game was in Glasgow. Her suspicions were aroused when my mate came to pick me up at 8.00am - by the time Mrs Smith had wobbled to the door to protest we were in the car and heading south.

As things turned out it was to be a second Saturday in succession that I and thousands of other Hearts fans - and there were forty thousand of us at Hampden that day - were traumatised as Aberdeen put a shell-shocked Hearts team to the sword and won 3-0. Hearts captain Walter Kidd was sent off and, having not lost a game for seven months, two defeats in seven days sent Hearts world crashing around them. But the ovation the magnificent Hearts support gave their team after the final whistle at Hampden was tumultuous and something no one who was there to witness it will ever forget. The fans appreciation of a sensational season moved the likes of Gary Mackay and John Robertson to tears. Long after the Aberdeen team had collected the trophy, acclaimed their fans and were back in the dressing room with one half of Hampden empty, those decked in maroon were still singing their hearts out at the Mount Florida end - I recall the stadium announcer pleading with us to leave!

As for Mrs Smith, it was to be another seven days before she finally gave birth to our daughter Laura. With the football season over I had no excuse for not being there and I was. Three successive Saturdays in May 1986 which resulted in the three most emotional occasions in my life.

So don’t fret about making a romantic gesture tonight. Some things - as I'm sure Adullamite will readily agree - are more important!

Back to School 2022

  A wee bit late with this but the little people have returned to school for another term. Except some of them aren't little any more. A...