Saturday, 12 December 2009

Something for the Weekend

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame....

You were looking good from afar.. now you're far from looking good...

I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours...

Love your enemies.. it pisses them off...

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

Life is like a roller coaster, and I'm about to throw up...

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it..

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you...

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent...

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

People are seldom too busy to stop and tell you how busy they are...

This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door...

Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes...

Bullshit: the art of making the idiotic sound sensible...

5 comments:

Adullamite said...

Sounds to me you need to take the wife out tonight.
Of course you don't need to bring her back.....

Strawberry Girl said...

Sounds like life, OI!

Joanna Jenkins said...

I can always count on your Mike, for words of wisdom. These are terrific! thanks.
jj

miruspeg said...

I must have the same sense of humour as you Mike.....love reading these little ditties!

Here are a couple more:

"Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it"?

"If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for"?

Take care mate.
Peggy xxx

FishHawk said...

"It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you..." I just knew it (Adullamite!).