Sunday, 27 May 2012

Keep Yer Shirt On...


I had a bit of a moan last week. Unlike me, I know. The source of my grumpiness - and I know I'm leaning against an open door here - was the three days solid we had in Edinburgh of rain. Some of it was heavy, some if it light - all of it irritating. So much for summer came the cry. Now, a week later, we have had three days solid sunshine in God's own country. And in Scotland that means many people - far too many people - yearning to display their near naked bodies, however unattractive that may be.

As the temperature hovers in the 70s, the half-naked are multiplying. Simply put, they're everywhere. Driving cars. Climbing aboard buses. Lounging in parks. Sitting outside pubs guzzling copious amounts of foaming ale.

There are the bare-chested men - in all shapes and sizes - who say the weather offers them no choice. They must strip down. The sight of a beer-bellied, balding, 50 something (and I don't mean me before you ask) ambling along the streets of Scotland's capital city can put you off your salad. Not that many Scots contemplate a salad, even on days as warm as these citing 'it's too hot to cook, do you fancy a chippy' as an excuse to down the equivalent of a whale supper (wi' plenty o' sauce, hen...)

Then there are the women. Thankfully, not quite bare-chested but not far off it. And many of the fairer sex deem it essential to sport tight fitting shorts (so I'm led to believe) Now some Scots lassies suit this attire. Others don't. And when you combine beer-bellied, balding 50 something man with heavily tattooed, overweight, 50 something, short-wearing, bare-legged woman waddling along the road  - and you need to step off the pavement on to the road to get past them - then you don't need to guess why Scotland has an obesity problem.

Now some people have a medical problem and can't help how they look. Others don't and just guzzle on a diet of fried food and alcohol. However, far too many seem to believe they have bodies we all want to see.

Having lived in Aberdeen for a few years, it's unusual for me to head out without a coat on - in the Granite City there was a fair chance of catching frostbite even in July... Today I ventured from Edinburgh to see my daughter and grandchildren several miles away in Dalkeith - wearing a just a tee-shirt and chinos. Despite me having the appearance of George Clooney and the body of Brad Pitt, I chose not to board the number 3 bus in a state of half-nakedness. Unlike, it has to be said, the majority of the rest of the passengers.

My message to the people of Scotland as summer begins in earnest is: For God's sake put a shirt on!

4 comments:

Lilly said...

Oh dear Mike that is hilarious.

I can understand that people would want to get a vitamin D hit given sunshine is a bit of a rarity in the UK. People all over the world somehow get sunstroke I think and don't realise just how much of their wobbly bodies they are exposing, during the warmer weather lol.

I have to say when I lived in Scotland I thought the food was incredible. The produce I mean not the junk variety. However, as tempted as I was I did not eat the deep fried Mars bars that were on the menu of the local chippie.

Anyway I suggest you get a pair of really dark sunglasses and hopefully that will diminish the view somehow.

I really hope the weather continues for you as you are right what a wonderful country to be living in when the sun is shining.

Adullamite said...

I agree.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I agree.

Anonymous said...

Not just in Scotland! The sights are just as unlovely south of the border, you know. Add the red-lobster-look and you're away!