999

A woman dialled 999 because a rabbit she bought via a newspaper advert did not have floppy ears, Central Scotland Police have said. The force is urging the public not to dial 999 unless they are faced with a genuine emergency. The reminder comes after operators, who receive 34,000 999 calls a year, said the number was being dialled for "wholly inappropriate reasons". One call was from a woman splashed by a car which drove through a puddle. The force said staff were verbally abused after challenging her for using the emergency line for her complaint.

From the BBC News Website.

Some news items simply take your breath away. The above item was part of a story in today's news which underlines how ignorance is king in today's increasingly dumbed-down society. That Central Scotland Police have to make a statement to the media urging people not to dial 999 unless it's an emergency beggars belief. As well as the BBC item, the same story on STV reported that someone dialled 999 after the pizza he had delivered had a slice missing.

Ned culture dominates society today and no one seems able to challenge it. Respect, tolerance, dignity and decency are the exception rather than the rule. Common sense, it seems, is also lacking in many people although I'm not just talking about ordinary members of society here, I'm also pointing my accusing finger at politicians and local authority employees among others.

Although I'm no great fan of the boys and girls in blue, I do have a fair degree of sympathy for those in the front line. Dealing with wasters who dial 999 for ridiculous reasons must test their patience to the full. Surely something can be done to punish those perpetrators? Is wasting police time no longer a crime?

Got to go - there's the pizza delivery man at my door. And coming after him is a woman who looks as if she's been splashed by a puddle...

Guilty!

Presenter Noel Edmonds has stopped paying his TV licence fee as he does not like the BBC's "threatening" manner towards those who evade the charge. "Auntie's put boxing gloves on. I'm so incensed by the idea that I'm guilty of something that I actually cancelled my licence fee a few months ago," he said. No organisation would threaten him, he added. "They haven't found me, and nobody's come knocking on the door." From the BBC News Website

The arrogance of this irritating, talentless 'merchant banker' takes my breath away. Years ago, when the BBC thought Noel Edmonds had talent, we had to part with hard-earned cash to pay our licence fee to fund inane drivel such as Noel's House Party and Mr Fecking Blobby. Edmonds is to light entertainment what Russell Brand is to the George W. Bush Fan Club.

From his early days as the most annoying DJ on BBC Radio 1 - in the true tradition of Smashy and Nicey - to his cringe worthy, patronising hosting of Deal or No Deal - forty-five minutes of people opening empty boxes - Edmonds has always been full of his own importance. He is so far up is own backside I'm surprised he sees daylight.

So I make this plea to the authorities. Edmonds is blatantly breaking the law, refusing to do what the majority of the people do in this country without a fuss. Don't fine him £1,000. Send him straight to jail. I'd like to see him try and deal out of that...

Easy Come, Easy Go...

When I travelled to the fabulous city of Krakow a few weeks ago, I flew with EasyJet. As their name implies, what you get is what you pay for, a no frills service with a cheap (but not always cheerful) service. I received an e-mail from EasyJet on Friday advising me of cheap deals throughout the forthcoming winter season to places like Amsterdam, Madrid and Krakow. Tempting though this is, the despair that many holiday-makers are experiencing this weekend is making me think not just twice but several times.

The collapse of XL Leisure Group, added to that of Zoom Airlines the other week, may well have sounded the death knell of the cheap flight culture. XL were the third largest package holiday group in the UK and their demise has left thousands of holiday-makers either stranded or stuck at home without a holiday to go to. High fuel costs and the 'credit crunch' are the reasons cited for these companies going bust. Now clearly this means hundreds of people who work for them are now out of a job and with mortgages to pay and families to feed this is obviously catastrophic news for them. But in an age when communication has never been easier - the internet, mobile technology, 24 hour rolling news etc. what I can't understand about all this is why people were allowed to go on holiday with the axe poised to swing - and why, as late as Friday morning with the axe already swung, no one thought to get a message out to the hundreds of people heading to airports all over the UK, high with excitement about to start their long-anticipated holiday.

Damn it, we work hard enough for most of the year, with the long hours culture still prevalent in this country for a salary that is largely swallowed up with the ever-increasing cost of merely trying to keep your head above the water. So when people scrimp and save to put some money aside for few days away from the pressures of life, for a few days in the sun away from the incessant wind and rain in this country, to escape the often hum-drum nature of their existence, they do not want it taken away at the very last minute.

Firms like XL and Zoom and no doubt a few others who will follow suit in the days and weeks ahead are quick to take money off people for the promise of a bargain deal. They must have known they wouldn't be in a position to continue trading at some point yet still let people travel and make their way to the airport. They have no right to treat people with contempt. True, those customers who paid for their holiday with their credit card may get a refund. But that's not my point. The prospect of getting away for a few glorious days is what keeps many people going during these hard times. To have it taken away like this is a kick in the teeth to those who use the airline industry.

I had contemplated going away for a few days at Christmas to escape the commercial madness this country descends to at that time of the year (that's another rant for another time) But I may decide to pass on EasyJet's admittedly tempting offer and stay in the UK.

And grapple with engineering work on the railways, never-ending roadworks, bus drivers on strike.....

More Money Than Sense

It is, apparently, another sign of my acceleration to grumpy old man status. My younger daughter Michaela greeted me today with 'look what I've got, Dad'. After a hard day's graft at the office and struggling with the re-heated remains of last night's macaroni cheese (delicious last night but stodge personified twenty four hours later) I looked up at her smiling face. Now Michaela is still a teenager, about to enter her 19th year in a couple of weeks, so when she smiles it usually means a) she wants money; b) she's done something she doesn't want me to know about or c) a combination of both which means serious trouble.

She proceeded to show me her new dress which she purchased from some boutique or other (she gave me a puzzled look when I mentioned the word boutique - another remnant from the 1970s) I say dress but it looked little more than a medium size handkerchief to me. It became a health hazard because I damn near choked on my stodgy macaroni when she told me she spent £60 on it. True, it's silk, Yes, it's a nice dark red colour (and anything close to maroon gets my approval) But sixty notes?

Therein lies one of the many differences between men and women. Given £60 to spend there's no way on Earth I would splash the dosh on one item of clothing. £60 would give me a good evening at the pub with some pals; pay to see Hearts play away from home, if you include the cost of a match ticket, travel, beer etc; a couple of tickets to see a decent gig (Ally Kerr is playing in Glasgow at the end of this month - this boy is a fantastic musical talent); or a fine afternoon's entertainment at the races (there's a meeting at Musselburgh a week today - the holiday Monday)

But my darling daughter doesn't see it this way. She spends three score on a flimsy dress that barely covers her ar...artic regions. Still, being a dutiful father, I'm prepared to put my ageing opinions to one side and tell her how wonderful she looks in it. After all, it's a father's duty to give his children as much praise, support and encouragement as possible.

And if you happen to read this, Michaela, I'll need a lift home from work tomorrow...

There's an Overlap...

The World Cup starts today. At least, the qualifying stages do for Scotland and the other 'home countries' and the Scots face a hazardous trip to the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. Searing temperatures and a hostile environment will greet George Burley's men and my natural pessimistic tendencies when it comes to all things football - forty years of following Heart of Midlothian does that to a man - means I'd happily settle for a draw this afternoon. And, hopefully, take three points from Iceland on Wednesday.

It's a sign of the times, however, that today's 'crucial game' - every game is seemingly crucial to the media - is not being shown on terrestrial television. Not even recorded highlights as the clock heads for midnight as used to be the case. This is because Setanta Sports, in their bid to rival Sky Sports world domination attempt, have exclusive rights to Scotland's away games in the qualifying stages of the World Cup. Now I can take a self-centred view here and chortle loudly as I have been a subscriber to Setanta for more than a year now and for barely more than a crisp ten pound note each month I'd say it's a pretty good deal, particularly as SPL and English Premiership games are included in the price. But I do feel some sympathy for those who haven't subscribed to the Irish satellite channel and would be eager to see how the Scots do today.

It's a far cry from Scotland's memorable qualifying campaigns of the 1970s. No satellite television coverage then and I still vividly recall watching Scotland defeat Czechoslovakia 2-1 at Hampden in 1973. STV covered that game 'live' in an age when very few games were covered live at all on television - not even the cup final. The legendary Arthur Montford was the commentator that evening and he was quite brilliant. His shouts of 'watch your back Denis' when Denis Law was about to be challenged by a Czechoslovak player were memorable. Scotland's triumph took them to the World Cup Finals in West Germany in 1974 - their first appearance at a finals in sixteen years.

Four years later, it was the BBC's Archie 'Woof' Macpherson who damn near fell out of the commentary gantry at Anfield when Kenny Dalglish scored the winner against Wales which meant Scotland qualified for the World Cup Finals in Argentina in 1978. Although given what was to happen in South America perhaps it might have been better if they hadn't bothered...Archie's emotive 'there's Buchan on the overlap' and 'there's Dalglish, oh what a goal!!' still send tingles down my spine. Although his 'a penalty if ever there was one' when Joe Jordan handled the ball in the Welsh penalty box and the referee somehow gave a penalty to Scotland was, to say the least, patriotic.

I don't know who'll be commentating for Setanta this afternoon although given they're also covering the Northern Ireland and England games (six hours of footy, wha-hey!) I hope it's not some English non-entity who won't have the passion of Messrs. Montford and Macpherson.

And, I suspect, he won't be wearing a checked jacket....

The Mice Used to Jump in the Traps...

A Nigerian religious leader with 86 wives has accepted an Islamic decree ordering him to divorce all but four of them, local authorities say. A spokesman for the emir of Bida told the BBC that Mohammadu Bello Abubakar, 84, agreed on Saturday to comply with the decree.

From the BBC News website.

I have to say I have a degree of sympathy for Mohammadu Bello. I mean, at 84, he's probably had a hard life. Now, in his twilight years, he nips out for a game of dominoes with his pals and is a wee bit late back. So he gets 'What time do you call this?' not once but 86 times.

He has 170 children. 170! I find it tough with just two and sometimes struggle to understand my daughters (like the majority of the female species I don't think I'll ever understand them)

But the worse part of this is the fact he has 172 mothers-in-law. Just think what the late, lamented Les Dawson could have done with that...

The Old Days

Congratulations to all my friends and family who were born between the 1930s and 1960s.

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos...

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer. Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags and we went round the streets on Go-carts made from old pram wheels & bits of wood. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, or Subway. Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on Sundays, somehow we didn't starve to death...We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......we were always outside playing. We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were okay. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........we had friends...

We went outside and found them. We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. Only girls had pierced ears. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

We were given catapults for our 10th birthdays, we rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them. Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet. Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's always ruled the playground at school. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. A burly policeman would clip you round the ear and our parents actually sided with the law...

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And YOU are one of them! Congratulations! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.