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The Beat

A few weeks ago, I read that The Beat were heading to Edinburgh. I immediately dropped everything and purchased tickets to see the legendary ska band. I've seen The Beat several times now and they never disappoint - Saturday's gig in Scotland's capital city was a brilliant as ever.

In the intimate, although some might say claustrophobic, atmosphere of The Liquid Room, Ranking Roger and son belted out all the classics much to the delight of the appreciative audience. Mirror in the Bathroom, Too Nice to Talk To, Hands Off, She's Mind and Tears of a Clown were greeted with raucous applause. Even three decades later, Stand Down Margaret  - an 80s plea to the former Prime Minister to go - brought a huge ovation, particularly from those of us who suffered under the policies of the Thatcher government.

A great night, as I had anticipated - and, as always, The Beat always deliver.

The Leaving of Liverpool

The guvn'r and I decided to try to banish the winter blues with a wee mini break in Liverpool. It's been a few years since I've been in the city and much has changed since my last visit.

What hasn't changed is the pride Liverpudlians take in their city. Strolling through the city centre, I was struck by the vibrancy of the people just going about their every day business. Scousers are proud to be Scouse and quite rightly so. In the bustling city centre, people move purposefully in search of bargain buys from shops eager to attract custom by declaring sales, buy one get another free and that all stock must go. As in other working class cities such as Glasgow there is a sense of togetherness, a sense of an army of working class people joining the fight against austerity and, consequentially, poverty.

Although we were there only a couple of days we managed to take in the hugely impressive Beatles Story Museum, the very moving The Museum of Slavery and the informative Titanic Exhibition. The following day we visited the truly magnificent Liverpool Cathedral - the older one, which was a sight to behold both outside and inside.

However, much as we enjoyed our trip to the north-west of England - battered as it was by hurricane winds on Wednesday night - the leaving of Liverpool left a stain on our visit for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, we opted to travel by train  - and by First Trans-Pennine Railways. Those of you who have read these pages before (and I give thanks to you both) may have noted my various diatribes about First Group who try and run bus and train services across the country. Our journey down to Liverpool via Wigan was reasonable enough; the train was on time and we got complimentary coffee and sandwiches which is customary for travelling first class. However, our return journey on Thursday afternoon was not quite as smooth.

We checked the news regarding the chaos the winter storm had brought the night before. The west coast main line had been closed for two hours on Wednesday evening due to the severe weather so we expected there would be delays caused by the knock-on effect. Upon arrival at Wigan North-West at 2.30pm for our connection back to Auld Reekie, we were greeted by the news that our train had indeed been delayed. There was no indication of how long; the station announcer merely stated the train 'had not yet left Manchester Oxford Road'.

We sat in the chill of the passengers' waiting room at Wigan North-West station along with other disgruntled passengers. As we did, the14:38 Virgin train to Glasgow Central pulled in - bang on time. This seemed something of a curiosity as this train had left Manchester some half an hour earlier - the same route as the delayed First Trans-Pennine train. After half an hour in the freezing waiting room, the announcements about our train had ceased. The arrivals/departure screen merely flickered that the 15:38 Virgin train to Edinburgh would also be on time. Eventually, the news on the screen was that our train was scheduled to arrive at 15:41 - nearly one hour late. Once we got on the train and settled down, trying to get some feeling into numb bones, the train conductor apologised for the late arrival. This wasn't down to any weather conditions, or any weather-related debris on the track. It was down to the train driver not turning up. Mother Nature, I could take. Human nature i.e. a thoughtless action from a Worst Group employee, I couldn't. There was to be no offer of a hot drink until we reached Preston 20 minutes later. Another down-trodden Worst Group employee scampered on to the train at that point, his arms full of hastily prepared sandwiches and a catering trolley. When I asked for a cup of hot chocolate, he returned with a bottle of cold water. I was beginning to think Worst Group were paying me back for my criticism of their operations all these years.

We arrived back in Edinburgh more than an hour late. Once home, I checked my credit card details on-line as I regularly do. I was concerned to discover a pending transaction of £75 which I couldn't account for. When I telephoned the credit card company in the morning they advised it was the Thistle Hotel in Liverpool. When I checked out there on Thursday morning they charged me the agreed amount and gave me a receipt. A telephone call to the hotel on Friday morning resulted in the news that, once I had left the hotel, they charged another £76 for meals for two nights - despite this having been paid for. Eventually, this was sorted out but I was somewhat alarmed that the hotel had, in effect, used my credit card without my permission. One the one hand, the hotel did apologise. On the other hand, I was furious that they had deducted this amount without telling me - they had my email address and mobile telephone number but chose to use neither.

It put a wee bit of a dampener on what was, overall, a decent wee break. Liverpool is a fine city although customer service is not always a strong point (querying a departure time of a city tour with the bus driver I was told I would need to go round the corner and wait for half an hour - 'I'm on me break' she told me; the following day, another driver from the sightseeing tour operator told us it wouldn't be worth getting on his bus as half the city had been closed due to storm damage) However, the Thistle Hotel charging us twice for meals did nothing to allay the stereotype built up by some people of Scousers being prepared to rob their own Granny.

I think the guvn'r and I shall return to Liverpool. Only next time, we'll travel south by Virgin Trains rather than Worst Group. And we we'll be giving the Thistle Hotel something of a wide berth.

Welcome to Disaster Island

Roger Lloyd-Pack 1944-2014

Another Customer Survey

The customer is always right, so the saying goes. Of course, they aren’t always right but in these days of self-assessment and corporate image, the views of ‘the customer’ is of paramount importance to the vast majority of big and not so big businesses (BT and First Group being the obvious exception – see Rants passim)

 

I am used to using particular products and services and then receiving an email a few days later from the company concerned asking for my opinion. It’s human nature to only respond to these customer satisfaction surveys if you have something ti complain about. And, as you all know, I’m not one to complain…

 

The hotel chain Travelodge have done this for several years now. Whenever I stay in one of their hotels, I am usually asked for my opinion. The last time I stayed in one was in May last year when I stayed overnight in Aberdeen. The location was always going put a dampener on Travelodge’s effort to seek praise for their services. The hotel was clean enough and served its basic purpose of having a comfortable bed on which to crash out after a indulging in a couple of half pint shandies after watching Hearts play at Pittodrie. My grip with this particular visit was with the lass on reception who was about as welcoming as Aberdonians can be (there was never any danger of her face breaking out into a smile and she advised me the lift was ‘doon the hall there’) Naturally, I referred to this in my ‘customer satisfaction survey’ which I received a couple of days later. The point I am rather labouring here is Travelodge would have been none the wiser about their surly employee – if they hadn’t rather inconvenienced me with one of their damn surveys.

 

While I’ve been used to Travelodge’s ways of gauging customer satisfaction, it seems to me more and more companies are now following suit. I ordered something from Amazon a couple of days after Christmas. Their customer focus is second to none and upon placing the order on-line, I immediately received an email advising me when I could expect delivery. In fact the goods arrived the day before the expected delivery date so I was a happy chappy. I fully expected the ‘customer survey’ email from Amazon and this was duly received yesterday. However, to my puzzlement, the survey wasn’t asking about the delivery process; it was asking if I was satisfied with the way it was packaged. This is a new one on me. As long as the goods were intact and they were delivered on time, it’s a fair assertion that I couldn’t give a monkey’s toss about the packaging.

 

Last week, I ordered a printer from John Lewis. I opted for the ‘click and collect’ service which their Edinburgh branch operates. I ordered the goods on-line and received the now customary email advising I could collect it the following day, which I did on my way home from work. It was not a particularly memorable experience – two fellas behind a desk, one of whom went round the back of the office and returned with my printer two minutes later – but then again, collecting an item from a shop is hardly designed to be memorable. Nonetheless, John Lewis have seen fit to email me a survey asking for my opinion on their ‘click and collect service’.

 

Now, I realise the importance of gauging customer satisfaction and evaluating customer service. Good God, I work for an organisation which falls over itself at times to prove it provides excellent customer service. But, I suspect I’m not alone in becoming rather weary at receiving countless customer satisfaction surveys, particularly for nondescript, routine things like how your goods from Amazon were packed.

 

I’m like any other person in that if I’m unhappy with a service I’ll damn well complain about it (and this worked to good effect with BT in September). I really can’t be bothered with survey after survey about how my ‘customer experience’ was.

 

Unless I’m sent a survey about the customer satisfaction survey. Then I may let loose…

The Mating Game...

Now that Christmas and New Year have been and gone, there are countless television and radio adverts for dating agencies - 'a new year, a new you...' Here's one you might not have seen advertised...

Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency

Name………………………………......................................

Address………………………………..................................

Date of Birth………………………………..........................

Male/Female……………………………….........................

Introductory Section

1) Would you prefer your partner to be:

a) the opposite sex
b) the same sex
c) both
d) any sort of mammal
e) not fussy really

2) Would you prefer your partner to be:

a) alive
b) dead
c) dead but still warm
d) doesn’t matter

3) How many legs should your ideal partner have:

a) two as a bare minimum
b) one
c) none
d) doesn’t matter

4) In the event of Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency being unable to match you with your ideal partner, which of the following would you be prepared to make do with:

a) a milk bottle
b) a bar of soap and a radiator
c) not fussy really - anything will do


Now, more detailed information:

Before sex do you:

Crack your knuckles?
Roll up your sleeves?
Crouch down on starting blocks?
Give your little brother a Cadbury’s Cream Egg?
Smother your body in ‘Vick’?


During Sex Do You:

Blow your nose?
Play a harmonica?
Smoke a pipe?
Think about camels?
Whistle?
Wear Ear Muffs?
Talk about the drought in Somalia?


After Sex Do You:

Get up and go home?
Put a notch on the headboard?
Turn up the sound on the television?
Break wind?
Notice a difference between your two big toes?
Finish your toast?

Men: If you answered yes to each of those questions, I’m afraid you are a lousy lover and the Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency is unable to help you.

Women: If you answered yes to each of those questions, I’m afraid you are a lousy lover and the Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency is unable to help you.

However,if you two ever get together would you mind if Easytoplease Computing Dating Agency came along to watch?