The authorities in South Africa have just issued this quite useful guide to those who may not be aware the footy is about to start....
Dear Wife/Sweetheart/Girl Friend/Partner/whoever it may concern,
1. Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup of Soccer and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. Therefore, DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.
2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will run the risk of our relationship ending.
3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game I won't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.
4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor....it just won't happen.
5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6. Please, please, please - if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time"". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game ; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".
8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them, I want to see them again, many times.
9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my
attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.
10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" because the reply will be, "Refer to Rule 2 of this list".
12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words because before and after this comes the Champions League, SPL, Scottish Cup, Premier League, Italian League....
Thank you for your cooperation.
8 comments:
You love living on the edge Mike. You are definitely treading on THIN ice!!
:-)
Peggy xxx
The world cup is a major event for Scotland.
Every 4 years we get 31 teams to support.
Seems perfectly acceptable to me Mike. I hope you have read this out to Mrs S and the girls?
Excellent, wise words.
So far, Peggy, you're being out-voted by the fellas. That said, if this was a UK general election you would now be in power...!
Hee Hee Mike.....can't beat the system eh!
BTW keep an eye on the Socceroos....the quiet achievers!
You have an award!!! Head on over to collect it.
and we are lucky to have it in our country this year.
Award? Where? How? When??
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