Father Dear Father (part 94)

The old adage that you never stop worrying about your children was proved correct again this morning. My two daughters Laura and Michaela may be grown up now (although I use the term loosely) and have their own lives to lead but I still worry about them much the same way I did twenty years ago when they were toddlers. My anxiety increased this morning when I saw Michaela.

Being a Sunday I had a longish lie-in this morning before the customary shave and shower and breakfast. I knew the washing up from last night still had to be done so I trudged, bleary-eyed, to the kitchen - only to discover the basin that had been overflowing with dishes when I retired to bed several hours previously was empty. Said dishes had been washed and were piled up on the drying tray. My suspicions were immediately aroused. Had I been burgled during the night? If so, they surely wouldn't have washed up afterwards? Had my neighbour from across the street had one pint of foaming ale too many and wandered into the wrong house? Possibly but, again, he's not exactly the most domesticated of fellas and would be hard pressed to know how to use a Fairy Liquid bottle. I soon had an explanation - as unlikely as this sounds, Michaela had washed the dishes...

My immediate reaction was of concern for her health. As far as I can recall, she last washed the dishes when she was nine years old in 1998 and that was only because some of her pals were coming to the house for a 'sleep-over' (there's a misnomer if ever there was one but I won't bore you with the details now...) Michaela is now 21 years old and I have to say I was somewhat alarmed by this sudden outbreak of unusual, nay, exceptional behaviour by my younger daughter.

I sought the advice of NHS24 who advised they suspected it was a case of 'Financialitis Embarrassmentis', a condition known to affect young women when they discover payday is still a week away and they have no money. A very nice NHS consultant told me that, as a father of a twenty year old, he had come across this condition before and warned me the symptoms might also include Michaela making cups of coffee, using the vacuum cleaner and extensive use of furniture polish. He added her speech may sound a little different, particularly when she believed she had earned enough Brownie points to ask me for financial assistance. I was told to look out for the emphasis on the word Dad in particularly whining way.

I was relieved to hear this is a temporary condition, almost certain to disappear as quick as it arrived i.e. when financial assistance is given.

The thing is, I could do with a lift to the office tomorrow from said daughter. Now, about that pile of ironing that needs doing....