Silence is Golden

As you'll have gathered from my post below, there'll be no rants for a few days while I head to Poland for a long weekend. But I'll be back next week and probably in a particularly foul mood as I contemplate work again on Wednesday.

Now, about that bloody Sheriffhall roundabout....

Lest We Forget

My fellow Hearts supporter and esteemed blogger Adullamite wrote a wonderful piece on 1st July commemorating a battle during the Great War. http://adullamite.blogspot.com/2008/07/1st-july-1916.html

In 1916 there were sixty thousand casualties and twenty thousand dead in one horrific day of a conflict that must never be forgotten. Heart of Midlothian Football Club's connection to that battle - McCrae's Battalion - is honoured every Remembrance Sunday, along with others who gave the ultimate sacrifice to their country in a moving service at Edinburgh's Haymarket War Memorial.

In this increasingly frenetic and consumer driven, power crazy and greedy life, it's all too easy to forget those of a different generation who gave their lives so that we could have the country we have today. Similarly, the stories of those who were the victims of atrocities during both world wars must continue to be told so that a civilised society can ensure it never happens again.

I'm heading off to Poland on Friday for a long weekend to sample the delights of Krakow. Not so long ago, Poland was behind the so-called Iron Curtain that, during the Cold War and the days of Soviet Union power and communist suspicion, gave the impression of a cold, oppressed people living in poverty and at the mercy of their communist rulers. Times have changed, of course, and now Poland is part of the European Union.

Part of my trip will be a visit to Auschwitz and Birkenau where hundreds of thousands of Jews died at the hands of the Nazis in concentration camps during the Second World War. It promises to be a moving experience.

There are only a handful of old soldiers still alive who fought in the First World War and the numbers of those who served in the Second World War and of those who suffered unbearably at the hands of the Nazis are diminishing also. But as the years go by, we must always remember those who gave their lives in order that we can enjoy the freedom we have today.

Their sacrifice should never be forgotten.

Zimbawbe Election Latest

Outside a polling station in Harare...

Pollster: Excuse me,sir, are you going to be voting for Robert Mugabe?

Mr X: I don't think so. I won't be voting at all.

Pollster: I see. Let me re-phrase the question. Are you going to be voting for Robert Mugabe or would you prefer to be sliced into pieces and fed to ravenous dogs?

Mr X: Erm, I'll be voting for Robert Mugabe. In fact, I'm just going there now...

Pollster: Thank you. How about you, sir? Are you going to be voting for Robert Mugabe?

Mr Y: Certainly not!

Pollster: Okay. Perhaps I didn't make the question clear enough. Are you going to be voting for Robert Mugabe or would you prefer to have a large red hot poker inserted in your bottom?

Mr Y: Erm, I'll be giving Mr Mugabe my undying support.

Pollster: Thank you. Now, you sir - if I'm not mistaken you're not from Zimbawbe?

Mr Z: No, I'm originally from the Home Counties of England but I've lived in Zimbawbe since the days of good old Ian Smith when it was called Rhodesia.

Pollster: Quite. Will you be voting for Mr Mugabe?

Mr Z: I hardly think so.

Pollster: This is getting tiresome. Are you going to be voting for Robert Mugabe or would you prefer to be tied to a rack and beaten with leather whips?

Mr Z: To be tied to a rack and beaten with leather whips, thank you. I paid a fortune for this last week...

Pollster: Bloody English! I'll ask you the same question but with a different slant. Will you be voting for Robert Mugabe or would you prefer to have large needles rammed through your body and most private sections of your anatomy?

Mr Z: My Lord! I'd love to have large needles...

Pollster: Okay, okay. One final chance. Will you be voting for Robert Mugabe or would you prefer that I shoot you dead now with this rifle?

Mr Z: Er....Vote Mugabe?

Pollster: Thank you - sir.

Exit poll forecast: 100% swing (from a rope of those not voting Mugabe)

Life on Mars?

Martian soil appears to contain sufficient nutrients to support life - or, at least, asparagus - Nasa scientists believe. Preliminary analysis by the $420m (£210m) Phoenix Mars Lander mission on the planet's soil found it to be much more alkaline than expected. Scientists working on the spacecraft project said they were "flabbergasted" by the discovery.

The find has raised hopes conditions on Mars may be favourable for life.

From the BBC News Website

So if NASA, or whoever, built a rocket that could carry humans to Mars - but only one way - who would you like to see on that rocket? I can think of a few names instantly:

Robert Mugabe
George W Bush
Vladimir Romanov (although he would want to pick who went on the rocket)
Margaret Thatcher
Jonathan Ross
Amy Winehouse

The list could go on and on. Above all, what I would ensure is that the rocket isn't flown by someone from Worst Group (Rants passim) There would be a distinct chance it wouldn't even get off the ground...

Adam Smith

Adam Smith (1723-1790) a leading light of the Scottish Enlightenment through his books, The Theory of Moral Sentiments (1759) and his Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations (1776), is recognised by people from all academic disciplines.

A new statue, by Alexander Stoddart, was provided by private subscriptions arranged through the Adam Smith Institute, and is the first major statue of Adam Smith to be erected in the world.

The statue is located by the Cathedral and opposite the City Chambers, where Smith worked as a Scottish Commissioner of Customs from 1778 up to a few weeks before he died in 1790. He was buried in the Canongate Kirkyard, not far down the Royal Mile. A little further on is Panmure House, Smith's residence in Edinburgh, where he lived with his mother, Margaret Douglas Smith (1690-1784), and his cousin, Janet Douglas (d.1788) for twelve years, and regularly dined and debated with many members of the Scottish Enlightenment.

EVENTS
Adam Smith Statue Unveiling 3-4 July 2008

Thursday 3 July 2008

RECEPTION AND DEBATE: “This House would prefer to be led by the Invisible Hand”, chaired by BBC Scotland Political Editor, Brian Taylor.

Proposing: Lord Forsyth of Drumlean (former Scottish Secretary), Dr Madsen Pirie (Adam Smith Institute) and Andy Hume (past World Debating Champion).

Opposing: Brian Wilson (former Energy minister), Alex Neil MSP (Scottish National Party) and Kenny Fleming (former Observer Mace Champion).

In The Caves, 8-12 Niddry Street South, Edinburgh EH1 1NS (off Cowgate) 6.30pm for 7pm


Friday 4 July 2008

UNVEILING OF THE ADAM SMITH STATUE

By Nobel economist Professor Vernon Lomax Smith, High Street, Edinburgh, near Parliament Square and the Mercat Cross 12.00 noon for 12.15pm.

www.adamsmithslostlegacy.com

Fancy a Drink?

It's a subject that's never far from the news headlines. The 'epidemic' that is alcohol abuse, particularly here in Scotland. Latest figures show that one in four men and one in ten women are putting their health at risk through drinking. If you'll excuse the pun, that is quite staggering.

Like, it seems, the vast majority of my countrymen and women, I enjoy a couple of pints, particularly on a Friday evening. Life is tough most of the time and the stress of a job that can sometimes be overwhelming and the seemingly interminable problems of family life can be temporarily relieved by a few drinks after work on a Friday or after the football on a Saturday (and we Hearts fans have more reason than most to head to the pub after a game!) But the danger is when enjoying a drink can so easily lead to depending on alcohol for relief. And it seems a good too many of us are doing just that.

I was out for a meal on Friday night and went for a couple of drinks after. As usual in Edinburgh on a Friday every pub we visited was packed. A cacophony of noise, loud conversations and even louder behaviour was fuelled by the need for people not just out for a drink but out to get blind drunk. It seems to me that an ever increasing number of people are unable to realise when they've had enough. Perhaps it's a sign of my advancing years but come ten o'clock I was ready to head home, tired and weary after a hard week at work. The effect of a large Italian meal and some rather strong cider triggered a bell in my head which said 'Time, Michael, please'. On the bus journey home I saw two people throwing up by the side of the road. I asked myself what enjoyment they got out of it.

Scotland has always been associated with alcohol. Indeed much of its reputation was gained through its thriving whisky industry. When I was a child in the 1960s, I seem to recall that Hogmanay and family occasions such as weddings, birthdays and funerals were the only times when people consumed too much alcohol than was good for them. Now, it seems every weekend is an excuse for some people to get stocious. Perhaps I had a sheltered childhood.

Not only do people seem to be drinking more, they seem to be younger and younger. I read recently that 750 children between the age of 11 and 16 were admitted to hospitals in Scotland with alcohol-related problems. That is truly a frightening statistic. Just as frightening is that this now seems to be embedded in our culture.

I was sent the picture at the top of this blog as a humourous aside of men starting early in some aspects of life. And, of course, it's funny in context.

But alcohol abuse, particularly in Scotland, is no laughing matter...

Glasgow Commonwealth Games 2014

As most people know, Glasgow has won its bid to host the Commonwealth Games in 2014.

What you may not know is that many of the famous events which go to make up this spectacular event, are to be especially altered for 2014.

A copy of these changes has been leaked from the Commonwealth Games Committee and I can reveal its contents...

OPENING CEREMONY
The flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of Ferguslie Park , in the traditional dress of balaclava and a Burberry shell suit. The flame will be contained in a large overturned police van situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Commonwealth Games, Scotland 's competitors have not been particularly
successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a DVD player and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most physical damage within three attempts.

FENCING
This event shall be sponsored by Cash Converters who shall also provide the hardware. The contest itself shall be based outside Kebab shops in Baillieston, Riddrie, Drumpchapel, and Easterhouse....the winner shall be the one who can leave A & E first.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor-style wages delivery man. The traditional .22 rifle has been replaced in this event by a choice of either a Browning automatic handgun or Sawn-off 12-bore shotgun.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the Glasgow University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above, but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing,joyriding, under-age drinking and arson.

SWIMMING EVENTS
All waterways are currently being tested for toxicity levels, once one is found that can support human life, swimming events will be organised. Please note that the Synchronised Swimming event for this year will comprise of dropping acid and watching all the funky ripples on the pool, the specific musical support to this event will be provided by 'Belle & Sebastian'.

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided.

MEN'S 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Glasgow,especially anyone that appears to be mincing ..

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Govan Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronised rock throwing, and music by the Dennistoun community choir. The flame will be extinguished by police riot water cannon following inevitable pitch invasion by confused old firm fans.

The stadium itself will then be boarded up before the local athletes
break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.