A Seasonal Greet

So, here it is....

Chaos in the kitchen

Screaming grandchildren wreaking havoc

Mountains of wrapping paper which, having been carefully pieced together just days before, now lie in a crumpled mess all over the house

Inordinate amount of boxes of Celebrations, Roses, Quality Street and sweets you don't get at any other time of the year. No Brazilian nuts this year please...

Pairs of novelty socks or a novelty tie which you wouldn't be seen dead wearing

A woolly jumper which is too small and quite hideous

Wearing a bloody stupid paper hat and trying to keep the cheap plastic inserts from the cheap Christmas crackers away from the brats - sorry, loveable grandchildren (still wreaking havoc)

Inedible turkey covered in gravy which is too rich and accompanied by brussel sprouts that are as hard as bullets

Roast potatoes which will crack laminated flooring if they fall off your plate

Christmas pudding which looks and tastes like something you wouldn't give to the dog

Listening to Granny's woes and how Christmas isn't what it used to be

Repeats of Morecambe and Wise and The Two Ronnies on the telly (because even the BBC recognise that much of today's comedians are frankly rubbish. David Mitchell? Jimmy Carr? Little Britain? I've had more fun visiting the dentist)

Thinking of many other places you would rather be (or is that just me?)

To those regular visitors to my rants, thanks for taking the time to visit the blog. I sincerely hope your Christmas will be a darn sight happier than mine. And may 2009 be everything you want it to be.

Mike Smith