Time To Go, 2020

At least grandson Daniel seems oblivious to the carnage 2020 has brought 

So farewell, 2020. No one needs me to tell them it's been a hellish year - unless you're a manufacturer of hand gel in which case you're rubbing your hands...

It's been a year of:

• Covid-19
• Lockdown
• Hearts unfair demotion
• Lockdown
• Fractured family relations
• Lockdown
• Elderly relative's much-awaited operation
• Nae live fitba
• Lockdown
• The sad demise of Tim Brooke-Taylor (just weeks after I saw him perform at Edinburgh's Festival Theatre)

On the plus side:

• Repairing of fractured family relations (albeit a slow work in progress)
• Hearts reached the Scottish Cup final - which they should have won
• Grandchildren Jack and Hannah both receiving Gold Merit Awards at school
• This blog being listed in Feedspot's Top 35 Edinburgh blogs (and, before you ask, there are more than 35 of them...)
• Er...
• That's it.

A very happy new year to everyone, particularly to those who read this blog. It may begin in a similar vein but surely 2021 can't be as bad as 2020?

A Seasonal Greet

 

I wish everyone the world over a happy Christmas - well, as happy as you can make it - and fervently hope 2021 is better than 2020. Sadly, the new year looks like starting the way the old one ended.

Stay safe everyone.

Open the Door and Let Us In

I was at a supermarket last Saturday, one of the major ones who have a large store in Meadowbank. With my face mask adorning my well-worn looks, I wandered in, used the hand sanitiser at the entrance, picked up a shopping basket and strolled in. There were numerous signs about keeping social distance and regular tannoy announcements pertaining to this. I got my shopping, queued at the checkout in an orderly fashion, paid for my goods with my bank card and exited left. No hassle, no problem and everyone adhered to the Scottish government’s guidance about Covid-19.

I was just one of hundreds of people to do this on that very day. I didn’t feel my safety was compromised, didn’t feel the need to rush out of the store in a panic. Few people have any issues with such a practice even though one is indoors (where, apparently, the virus is most likely to spread). I have done this every week since lockdown changed society, perhaps forever, seven months ago.

So what, I hear you ask dear reader, is my point? My considerable bone of contention, possibly shared by many others, is why can’t I go to see a lower league football game on a Saturday afternoon? I want to visit Ainslie Park to see Edinburgh City play in the flesh once more. But football fans in Scotland are prevented from doing so as things stand at present.

Without getting too political may I add that I believe the Scottish government is doing everything it can to try and contain the virus and has shown better leadership than other parts of the United Kingdom. Yet, I feel there are inconsistencies that need to be addressed amid the very real danger that, with little income, some of Scotland’s smaller football clubs could face closure.

I understand why clubs in the Scottish Premiership and some in the Championship – Hearts being the obvious example of the second tier – aren’t being allowed to let their larger fan base into their stadia. A few weeks ago, Aberdeen and Ross County conducted a trial where 300 fans were permitted to both club’s home games. By all accounts both trials were a success with fans socially distant and adhering to the special measures put in place to enable such a small crowd to gain admittance. However, with the number of Covid cases rising as a second wave threatened the country, the Scottish government wouldn’t entertain the prospect of further trials, despite the success of those in Aberdeen and Dingwall. The prospect of thousands of people congregated inside a football stadium just isn’t one being contemplated by the Scottish government right now.

That said, there seems to me to be a one size fits all approach to Scottish football which, if I’m being frank, is a nonsense. Cowdenbeath were the visitors to Ainslie Park on Saturday, a game which would probably attract around 350 paying spectators. Given the size of Ainslie Park are the authorities really saying there would be a serious health risk if supporters were allowed into the ground to see the game? With appropriate social distancing in place we might not all get a seat in the stand but there is plenty space behind the goals and on the terracing across from the stand to accommodate everyone safely.

True, there would be no catering and the opportunity to taste a delicious Baynes pie would be sadly absent (the best pies in Scotland in my view – c’mon that’s got to be worth a free sample…) And one would have to forego a hot drink on a chilly October afternoon although admittedly this might help to control an orderly queue to gain entry to the toilets. With hand sanitiser available as soon as you come through the turnstiles and strategically placed around the ground, and the wearing of face masks required it’s arguably the case that one might feel safer in the open air at Ainslie Park than in the confined space of the supermarket along the road.

So, here’s a plea to the Scottish government. Every day you update the country with the number of Covid-19 cases and, tragically, the number of deaths. Focus is on the pandemic and understandably so. But if you focus on one disease, the impact of other illnesses increases but doesn’t attract the same headlines. How many people are dying because of heart disease, cancer and mental health issues that might have been addressed if there had been no pandemic?

Football is a vital part of many people’s wellbeing. A Saturday afternoon can bring some much-needed relief to many during extremely difficult times. Going to the football is a vital component of wellbeing and people’s mental health has never been more challenged than it is now.

So, how about it, First Minister, and the Scottish government health advisers? Let the fans in the lower leagues back into grounds. They would be far safer there than nipping round to a pal’s house to watch a live stream on a small computer.

Even if you feel the need to limit the numbers to, say, 300 per game, it would be a start.  2020 has been a hellish year for everyone. All we are asking is to let fans of lower league clubs back in to watch the game we love. And help the financial plight of Scottish football’s smaller clubs  – before it’s too late…

 

Family Matters

 

This wee man, grandchild number five aka Daniel, turns two years old today. Of the five horrors delightful children he is the only one now who gets slightly upset when I leave for home. The others used to but now merely grunt when I offer my farewells. 

Daniel is presently going through the 'terrible two' phase of his life and is driving his mother even more demented than she usually is. The day after Daniel was born I recall visiting him and his mother tossing her son, barely 24 hours old, to me with the words 'here - take grumpy pus'. He still gets grumpy now, as you may surmise from the photo above, but he does bring a shaft of light in a life full of darkness right now.

Daniel may only be two but has, on several occasions, grabbed hold of his sister's phone, pressed the WhatsApp icon, scrolled down the contacts, spotted my picture and pressed it meaning an instant phone call. While it's usually a delight to hear him babble away it can prove problematic, particularly when I'm working...

When I visited daughter Laura on Sunday the eldest of my grandchildren, Jack aka number one, arrived home from his football match. He scored in a 6-2 win for his youth club. He is a little over six months away from his 16th birthday so if any senior club wishes to offer him the chance to prove what he can do let me know.

He did engage in conversation about how he was doing at high school. He told me he passed his recent English exam with a 90% pass mark and offered the reason he 'only got 90%' was because he wasn't particularly impressed with his teacher. Jack then told me he got a 96% pass mark in mathematics - clearly a skill he hasn't inherited from his old Papa as I was booted out of my maths class at secondary school in Aberdeen in 1976 after recording 96%. Sorry, I stand corrected - it was 9.6%...

I have never understood mathematics - all that letters plus other letters and letters squared equals nonsense - but I'm pleased to say Jack takes to it like a duck to water.  He showed me his notes from school but they might as well have been in Chinese for all I could understand.

I did offer my services if he ever needed any help with his schoolwork but Jack merely smiled politely and offered 'thanks' in a tone that implied 'I hope I'm never that desperate'.

Children - toddlers and adolescents - are far too smart these days...

Away up in Gorgie...

 

Waiting patiently on Gorgie Road awaiting the arrival of grandson Jack off the bus from Dalkeith.

Heading along a thronging Gorgie Road, breathing in the air of expectancy, nodding glances to familiar faces of those bedecked in maroon.

Queuing to get into Tynecastle, squeezing past the yellow vested steward checking someone’s bag.

Offering your smart card season ticket to the turnstile operator who may – or may not – offer a cheery ‘enjoy the game’ Which may – or may not – invoke a retort of ‘You’re kidding aren’t you? It’s Herts we’re seeing. (Memories here of Rab C Nesbitt’s pal Jamsie Cotter’s remark at Italia ’90 World Cup finals – ‘we’re no’ here tae enjoy wursel – we’re here tae see Scotland!)

Climbing up the steel steps to the Wheatfield Stand – I’m sure these are getting steeper every week…

‘Dae ye want a pie, son?’ ‘Aye, okay, a mince one.’

Always needing to ‘pay a visit’ before taking your seat; I’ll not last until half-time and I’m not going then…(it’s an age thing)

Surveying the players warming up on the hallowed Tynecastle turf. Hearing the team news – where’s Naismith, is he injured again?

Seeing the referee and his assistants doing their warm up. Bloody hell, it’s no’ him is it? We’ve got no chance the day.

Hearing the distinctive tones of the maestro that is Scott Wilson over the speaker system.

The teams disappearing up the tunnel then remerging moments before kick-off. 

‘Whoever you’ve come to support, get right behind your team’ bellows the great man.

When Hearts score, hugging people nearby – even though you don’t know their name.

When Hearts win - admittedly, not often last season – applauding the players off the field at the game’s end and joining the queue to shuffle out the stadium to the sound of What a Beautiful Day by The Levellers.

See you next time, then? All is right with the world.

How I miss these days…

Behind the mask - the impact of COVD-19 on mental health

The impact of COVID-19 on the world is incalculable. Hundreds of thousands of deaths, families devastated, and lives changed forever. The pandemic has changed the world for most of us.

Behind the front line of people dying there is another huge concern for all of us. That of mental health.

As a hypnotherapist my profession is to help people change their unwanted habits. For nearly six months people in Scotland, as throughout the rest of the world, have had their habits changed but not through choice. The impact of this is now becoming apparent as lockdown in Scotland begins to ease albeit slowly.

Before lockdown, a trip to the shops was one of life’s mundane tasks but required little thought. If you go to the shops by public transport you are required to wear a face covering and ensure you’re socially distant from fellow passengers. At the shop you need to continue to wear a face covering, in some cases join a queue, and keep at least six feet away from others. You’re wary about touching goods on display. How many other people have touched that tin of corned beef? Have they washed their hands before doing so? You want to check the use-by date but realise you’ll need to handle the tin to do so.

You concentrate on keeping six feet away from others and you try to second guess others’ movements as they come into view with a trolley laden with items. Usually this works but there’s always at least one numpty who leaps out from nowhere blocking your path, or who doesn’t have the patience to wait while you’ve checked the ingredients of a tin of chicken korma and is up your backside with a cursory ‘excuse me’. In your mind you’re thinking ‘keep your distance you moron’ but the word ‘sorry’ comes out of your mouth – quite unnecessarily.

Today Mrs Smith and I were at the Fort Kinnaird shopping complex in Edinburgh. It was the middle of a Sunday morning, so it wasn’t overly busy and most people there were wearing face coverings. But anxiety hung around like an unwanted intruder. We went to a restaurant for brunch and, in fairness, the staff there were doing everything possible to follow the Scottish government’s guidance – only every second table was available for customers, a cleaner was scrupulously cleaning those tables and chairs not occupied and the toilets were plastered with detailed instructions (this cubicle is not in use; use the foot pedal to open this door, don’t push it; NOW WASH YOUR HANDS; and use the hand sanitiser on the way back to your table for extra protection) All very sensible and it’s reassuring to know these measures are in place.

But it doesn’t make for a particularly pleasurable experience. And, if you’ll excuse the pun, there’s the rub.

Mrs Smith loves going to the shops and can spend all day doing so. Not anymore. A visit to the shops and going for a bite to eat now has a layer of uncertainty, a feeling of not being entirely comfortable. It’s fair to say we couldn’t wait until we got back home. We didn’t feel unsafe – but we felt safer inside our house. That’s what nearly six months of lockdown has done to us.

While statistically it’s the elderly who are more at risk from COVID-19 the impact on youngsters is considerable too. Many teenagers are no longer carefree. My own teenage grandson just wasn’t himself when I saw him last weekend. He was quiet and reserved and preferred to sit in his bedroom rather than kicking a ball about in the garden with his admittedly overweight and unfit Papa. He is about to enter fourth year at secondary school, arguably the most important of all the years at school. His schoolwork was badly disrupted due to the pandemic with schools closed and, in Scotland, only due to reopen the week after next. He has missed his pals, the social interaction and even the teachers. No amount of Zoom sessions can replace that.

It’s the same for everyone, of course. But even if a vaccine is found and, a year from now, we’re heading back to the way things used to be, the impact COVID-19 has had on our mental health may be a legacy few of us want.

 

 

 

Boris Heads to Scotland

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson visits Scotland today. I hope he is able to use Google Maps. The reason for his visit? Support for an independent Scotland is growing.

Johnson's buffoonery is in stark contrast to the leadership shown by Scotland's First Minister Nicola Sturgeon, particularly during the COVID-19 crisis.

The cartoon in today's edition of The Times speaks volumes...

The Eeriness of Rose Street

Edinburgh's Rose Street, just after 11.00am on Sunday. Usually this place would be bustling with shoppers, diners, tourists et al. I am reliably informed there are a couple of bookies there along with the odd pub or two...Instead, it looked an eerie place, symbolic of a lockdown that has now gone on for more than three months.

Tomorrow, in Scotland, roadside shops re-open, subject to appropriate social distancing measures being in place. Indeed, on adjacent Princes Street, many stores had staff working today preparing for re-opening tomorrow and several shops had two metre distancing signs marked on the pavement outside.

Tomorrow will mark another step towards something approaching normality in Scotland. Today, in central Edinburgh at least, it was the calm before the storm.

The Confession

quotoesgram.com 

In 1965, an elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man began:

"Father .. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighbourhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"But there is more to tell, father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.'

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.




















"Should I tell her the war is over......?"

Text Speak

No money was given to Hannah during the taking of this photograph. Well, perhaps just a small sum...

I saw something on t'internet today about an animation course open to children aged 13-18 in Scotland and thought this would be right up grand-daughter Hannah's street. She is fast approaching those dreaded teenage years. I sent her the link and, unusually for the elder two of my grandchildren, she replied within minutes.

'I saw this and thought of you' I said in my message, trying to be a dutiful Papa.

'That's what I'm doing in art rn' Hannah replied.

Art RN? I pondered for some time about what this was. Is this what they call art and design at school these days? Eventually the penny dropped, admittedly from a long height.

RN is text speak for 'right now'.

I have a horrible feeling that, before long, having communication with Jack and Hannah may need the help of an interpreter.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

I received the email below to my hypnotherapy business account today. I'm about to receive nearly $18m. What could possibly go wrong...?

Greetings My Dear Friend,

Before I introduce myself, I wish to inform you that this letter is not a hoax mail and I urge you to treat it serious. This letter must come to you as a big surprise, but I believe it is only a day that people meet and become great friends and business partners. Please I want you to read this letter very carefully and I must apologize for barging this message into your mail box without any formal introduction due to the urgency and confidentiality of this business and I know that this message will come to you as a surprise.

Please this is not a joke and I will not like you to joke with it ok. With due respect to your person and much sincerity of purpose, I make this contact with you as I believe that you can be of great assistance to me. My name is Mr. Azmat Foufana, from Burkina Faso, West Africa. I work with BIB BANK (BIB BANK) as telex manager, please see this as a confidential message and do not reveal it to another person and let me know whether you can be of assistance regarding my proposal below because, I am about to retire from active Banking service to start a new life but I am skeptical to reveal this particular secret to a stranger. You must assure me that everything will be handled confidentially because we are not going to suffer again in life.

It has been 10 years now that most of the greedy African Politicians used our bank to launder money overseas through the help of their Political advisers. Most of the funds which they transferred out of the shores of Africa were gold and oil money that was supposed to have been used to develop the continent. Their Political advisers always inflated the amounts before transferring to foreign accounts, so I also used the opportunity to divert part of the funds hence I am aware that there is no official trace of how much was transferred as all the accounts used for such transfers were being closed after transfer, I acted as the Bank Officer to most of the politicians and when I discovered that they were using me to succeed in their greedy act; I also cleaned some before I send this message to you, I have already diverted ($29.6million Dollars) to an escrow account belonging to no one in the bank.

The bank is anxious now to know who the beneficiary to the funds is because they have made a lot of profits with the funds. It is more than Eight years now and most of the politicians are no longer using our bank to transfer funds overseas. The ($29.6million Dollars) has been laying waste in our bank and I don’t want to retire from the bank without transferring the funds to a foreign account to enable me share the proceeds with the receiver (a foreigner). The money will be shared 60% for me and 40% for you, There is no one coming to ask you about the funds because I secured everything, I only want you to assist me by providing a reliable bank account where the funds can be transferred.

You are not to face any difficulties or legal implications as I am going to handle the transfer personally. If you are capable of receiving the funds, do let me know immediately to enable me give you a detailed information on what to do. For me, I have not stolen the money from anyone because the other people that took the whole money did not face any problems, this is my chance to grab my own life opportunity but you must keep the details of the funds secret to avoid any leakages as no one in the bank knows about my plans.

Please get back to me if you are interested and capable to handle this project, I shall intimate you on what to do when I hear from your confirmation and acceptance. If you are capable of being my trusted associate, do declare your consent to me I am looking forward to hear from you immediately for further information: mr.azmat101@gmail.com

Thanks with my best regards.

Mr. Azmat Foufana.

Lockdown in Edinburgh - A Sunny Mid-Morning

The usually bustling Royal Mile

A deserted Princes Street

Waverley Bridge - not a tourist bus in sight

Albums of Influence - Part Three

You done too much, much too young, you're married with a kid when you should be having fun...

I don't give two f**ks about your review

Happy Birthday, Ava

Hard to believe this little girl is 10 years old today. Happy birthday, Ava, the apple of her Papa's eye.

COVID-19 Update

Albums of Influence - Part Two

Includes the brilliant Everyone Thinks He Looks Daft - a song Marion wanted played at our wedding...First saw The Wedding Present play live in Aberdeen in the late 1980s. It was an unforgettable experience. 

The sublime Pete Wylie and the soundtrack to my early twenties. The Story of the Blues - Part Two - is one of the finest social commentaries ever written.

Happy Birthday, Jack

Happy 15th birthday to grandson Jack who, even if I say so myself, is turning out a fine young man who is ambitious with a clear view of what he wants to achieve in life. I've no doubt whatsoever that he will achieve his aims.

That said, the present lockdown as a result of COVID-19 appears to have affected his thoughts process looking at his new hair colour. Baby brother Daniel seems less than impressed...

Albums of Influence - Part One

I Fought The Law and London Calling - songs that have been repeatedly played on my record player/cassette player/CD player/MP3 player over the years...

Teenage Kicks and My Perfect Cousin - songs that have been....(you get the picture)

A Matter of Coming to Terms

All these restraints on shopping are proving too much for young Daniel

Life is very different for all of us this year. When I last posted on this blog at the beginning of this year the coronavirus was just beginning to wreak its deadly path across the globe. Now, three months later, the pandemic has caused thousands of deaths, inflicted grief on families and loved ones and enforced a lockdown across the world, the likes of which most of us have never experienced before.

These are very difficult times for everyone. Around a month ago I experienced some of the symptoms of the virus. Rapidly changing temperature, bad headache, aches and pains and feeling extremely tired. Although I wasn't tested I took the Scottish government's advice and self-isolated. After a few days I felt better although I still have a persistent (and highly irritating) cough which, I'm told, can last for up to six weeks. Other than that I feel physically fine now although, like everyone else, my mental health has taken a battering as a result of having to stay in my house.

I haven't seen my daughters or grandchildren for about five weeks now and, whisper it, I miss them badly. I do the WhatsApp video call thing so I can see and talk to them and their monosyllabic replies to my enquiring of their well being - Jack, Hannah and Ava all replied 'good' - notwithstanding it's good to seem them albeit on a small screen on my phone. But it's not the same.

Mrs Wife and I were due to visit her brother in Morecambe this weekend to celebrate his birthday but, of course, that has had to be cancelled. We hope to visit later this year once this is all over. And there's the crux to the anxiety felt by all.

No one knows when this crisis is going to end. If we knew the lockdown would end, say, in July we could plan ahead and look to the future. But no one knows. In parts of China, where the virus originated towards the end of last year, a very measured and scaled cessation to the lockdown has begun, more than three months since it began. It's difficult to know whether this is the yardstick to measure in this country or, indeed, whether the partial end to the lockdown will be effective. One can only hope.

It's difficult to remain positive during these troubled times. The other evening I wrote on a blank A4 sheet of paper the positives and negatives. The negatives seemed endless. Not seeing my family; not being able to travel anywhere; no sport (although the way Hearts have played this season that's not necessarily a bad thing...); no meeting pals for a pint or three; no hypnotherapy clients meaning my business is presently on hold.

But on the other side of this sheet of paper I thought about the positives. My first thought was how the hell can there be any positives to take from this crisis? Then I began to scribble a few musings. After having the symptoms a few weeks back I now feel fine (cough aside) and I am truly grateful for this. My wife Marion has not, so far, succumbed to the disease and for this I am even more grateful. My daughters and youngest grandchild have also had symptoms but are fine now. Again, my gratitude for this knows no bounds. My elderly mother, presently in a great deal of pain as she awaits her hip replacement operation, is also reasonably well. Being 83 years old she has been told to stay at home for three months meaning it's down to me to deliver her essentials  - food and medication - to her. Normally this might seem a minor inconvenience to me (a reflection on my selfishness perhaps) but now I see this as an opportunity to leave the house, albeit for less than an hour, and a chance to breathe fresh air.

Although my hypnotherapy business has been silenced, my other job as an HR professional (no laughing at the back...) continues and I can work at home for this. While I miss the office banter and the boundary between home and working life has been crossed, sometimes uncomfortably, modern technology means I can continue to do the work I would have done in the office in my bedroom. When I think of the impact this crisis has had on businesses and their employees the world over I am yet again grateful that, financially at least, there is no impact on the Smith household. While Marion is also working from home, our arrangement works fine - apart from the odd spat about who has eaten the last chocolate digestive...(and, for the avoidance of doubt, it's never me...)

As the brilliant singer/songwriter Pete Wylie once sang it's about coming to terms with the situation you're in. Times are really tough right now, particularly for those families affected by the virus, for those who have lost loved ones and for those in the NHS whose exceptional hard work and dedication is a lesson in compassion for us all.

But we can look forward to better times. A time without constraints. A time when we can perhaps appreciate a little more of what's really important in life. True, we don't know when. But these days will return.

I'm counting the days until they do. Stay safe everyone.

30 Years On - The Best Move I Ever Made

30 years ago today I made a life changing decision.

When my parents split towards the end of 1969 my mother took me from Cumbernauld to Aberdeen. After 20 mostly miserable years in the Granite City I decided to leave and headed for Edinburgh - the place I love - via three months with my father in Paisley.

It was my father who drove me south that Sunday evening. We were never particularly close but we grew closer in the early months of 1990 and he was hugely supportive of me. I had temporarily left my wife and two young children (Laura was three and a half years old and Michaela just three months), given up my job - without another one to go to - and sold my house. People - mostly narrow-minded Aberdonians - told me I was mad and didn't know what I was doing. Oh, I did all right - and my father was one of the very few who gave me the encouragement to follow my dreams.

Much has changed since 7th January 1990. My father is no longer with us, having died very suddenly in 1997. I got divorced. And married again. Laura and Michaela are now in their 30s with children of their own.

I tell my grandchildren, especially the older two, to follow their dreams. Never let anyone tell you 'you can't do that' or 'you'll never make anything of yourself'. Moving to Edinburgh was the best thing I ever did. If I had listened to family and friends I would never have moved. But, boy, am I glad I did.

Even if three decades have taken their toll on my boyish good looks...


The Ranter in the 1980s                The Ranter today...

Imagine What 2020 Could Be Like...

As a fully qualified hypnotherapist I help many people to change their lives. It is, of course, a serious subject but there can be some lighter moments.

One client told me she was due to get married later this year and was quite nervous about the prospect.

"I think I know what your issue is" I told her. "You have a phobia about marriage. Do you recognise the symptoms?

"Can't say I do" she replied.

"That's one of them" I said...

But joking aside this is the time of the year when many people make resolutions to make their life happier. If you are looking to lose weight, stop smoking, need help with self-esteem or confidence issues or want to rid yourself of a phobia or unwanted habit - and you need a helping hand - contact me on 07521 353 787 or email mike.smith@mgs-hypnotherapy-services.co.uk to arrange an initial discussion.

Evening appointments available. Home visits by arrangement. Visit my website here