For the Record

Last night I was at the Dropkick gig at The Ark in Edinburgh's city centre where the wonderful Ally Kerr was providing support. After Ally's stint was over I did something I've not done for a few months now (no, not buy a round of drinks before anyone suggests) I purchased Ally's new album - Off the Radar - on cd format.

I was reminiscing with my good friend June from Seattle the other day about buying music. Buying music is now so different to when fortysomethings like us were growing up. In the 1970s there was a certain anticipation and a thrill of actually going into a record shop (listen to old Grandad here!) and choosing an LP. The enjoyment one got out of browsing through albums, admiring the vast selection of album covers and discovering something you hadn't seen before and whether you would spend your hard-earned pocket money was palbable. In days gone by you could even ask to hear albums in specially created 'booths' akin to telephone kiosks where you could don a set of rather primitive headphones and listen in something approaching privacy.

After selecting your purchase, the shop assistant would carefully scan the vinyl for any marks or scratches. And then you would get the record home and devour the album notes as the stylus on your record player made a wee scratchy kind of noise before the music came on. And when it came to singles - 45s as was - there was the challenge of seeing how many records you could stack on your record player before a mis-shaped record centre would grind your stylus to a halt and you would leap to retrieve the record before any permanent damage was done.

When I was a teenager I used to think I had a relatively decent record collection until I saw some of my friends vast collection of vinyl. One mate used to have so many record carrying cases he could have built the equivalent of the Berlin Wall - yet he knew exactly where to find a specific record.

Nowadays, you don't even need to leave your house, you just download tracks via your computer - it's all so 'instant'. Other than a wee icon on your pc/IPod and the music itself, there seems nothing tangible about the purchase. And on those 'singles' that do have more than one track, the iconic 'B' side has been replaced by a somewhat nondescript 'Track 2'.

Now I don't expect my two daughters to even come close to understand what this is all about. But for those of us who were around in the days when there was only one music show on the television to watch all week - Top of the Pops (and even this has been scrapped by the BBC) - and taping the Top 20 off Radio One was one of the highlights of a Sunday, the wee nostalgic nod to the days when vinyl was king may strike a chord.

Or I may just be playing with history at the wrong speed...

Terminal Condition

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7314816.stm

Cancelled flights, baggage delays and a temporary suspension in check-in have blighted the opening day of Heathrow's new £4.3bn Terminal 5. British Airways, which has sole use of the terminal, cancelled 34 flights due to "teething problems" and was later forced to suspend passenger check-in. Technical difficulties also meant major delays in reclaiming luggage.

BA blamed the glitches on problems with "staff familiarisation", which had a knock-on effect on bags and flights.

From the BBC News website

Today someone told me the real reason for the chaos. Apparently the first plane to arrive at Terminal 5 was being flown by a female pilot.

And it took her five hours to park the plane...

Get to School - And Make it Snappy

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7316081.stm

A South African village is demanding that a bridge be built across a crocodile-infested river to stop children swimming it to get to school. Students as young as seven have been making the crossing for two months since the community's boat was stolen. "There are about 70 households on that side of the river but there are no buses and no-one owns a car," a Kwazulu-Natal local councillor said.

I know what you're thinking, dear reader. For many of us who use public transport to and from work every day, the idea of our lovely, joyful, courteous offspring having to cross a crocodile-infested river to get to school would be something worth selling tickets for. Despite school buses being run in many areas, there remains great hordes of spotty faced youths, carrying what appears to be half of the southside of Edinburgh on their backs, who swarm the capital's public transport system like a plague. Oblivious to other passengers, they take up two seats on the bus, without even considering moving sports bags/satchels/haversacks etc. to let harrassed passengers get a seat. And trying to ask them to move is greeted with a vacant look as, with IPod glued to their ears, they stare open-mouthed at your request for a seat.

Now, as far as I know, there are no crocodiles in the River Esk near where I live. There are plenty of sharks in Dalkeith but that's another story. But kids in this country certainly have it far easier than many of their counterparts in the African continent. Thankfully, the little mites are off on their Easter break at present. But in a few days, they'll be back causing chaos in the mornings.

Perhaps the City of Edinburgh Council could take a lead and utilise the city's Union Canal for ferrying the some of the blighters to school. Anything to free up some of the buses in the morning. But, perhaps the crocodile idea isn't really a good one. Imagine if a polite, well-groomed, courteous youngster who didn't have their ears plugged into Nickelback, Girls Aloud et al, fell into the water.

Then again, not even a crocodile would swallow that...

Ally Kerr Live in Edinburgh

One of the most talented singer/songwriters to come out of Scotland for many a long year will grace Auld Reekie this Saturday, 29 March.

Ally Kerr will be playing at The Ark, just across from St. James Centre on Saturday evening. Acoustic set supporting Dropkick as they launch their new album. Also with Andy Tucker (Dead Beat Club).

A great evening for just £5!

A Freudian Slip

Sigmund Freud. Now there was a man ahead of his time. A century ago his theories of the unconscious mind and defence mechanism of repression made him the Father of Psychoanalysis. In 2008 it seems to me that much of society is a throng of Freudian conflict.

At my place of work, we’ve been short-staffed since a member of the team departed for pastures new a few weeks ago. With budget constraints meaning the vacant post has still to be advertised the pressure on those of us left is intense. The only way to get the work done in the manner it should be is to work overtime and take work home. But there lies the crux of the matter. If we work extra hours and work on tasks at home, giving up precious weekends, then the work gets done. And paying us overtime – or even worse giving us time off in lieu which would be somewhat contradictory given we can’t afford time away from work – is infinitely cheaper than employing a replacement. And with the work getting done it shows we can cope.

So, in the true tradition of Freud, we have decided not take work home. Or work any overtime we don’t want to. Yes, the pressure will intensify as the work piles up. Yes, senior management will ask questions as to why things aren’t getting done. And, yes, things will get uncomfortable. But, in my view, we have to demonstrate that we can’t cope with being one person short. Because we can’t. Already, mistakes are happening that shouldn’t happen and the quality of work has slipped. Working all the hours won’t help that. Given Heart of Midlothian FC’s woeful attempts at playing association football this season, working on a Saturday afternoon is indeed tempting. But I won’t be. Because senior managers will look at the savings made and the work still getting done and think all is dandy. Which, of course, is far from the case.

All very Freudian, admittedly. It brings to mind (no pun intended) the story of a doctor and a lawyer in separate vehicles who collided on Edinburgh’s Queensferry Road. The fault was questionable and both men were badly shaken. The lawyer offered the doctor a drink from his hip flask that the doctor took all too readily, knocking back a couple of large mouthfuls.

As the lawyer started to put the cap back on the flask, the doctor asked “Aren’t you going to have a drink too, to steady your nerves?’

‘Of course I am’ replied the lawyer, ‘After the police get here…..’

Perks of Being Over 40

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run - - anywhere.

4 People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex - but not your glasses.

10 You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

14 You sing along with elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

20. You can't remember who sent you this list

Out of Office E-Mail Messages

The office where I work has closed tonight for Easter. Whoopee, nae mair work until Tuesday. But it's a sign of the times when you just can't simply throw your coat on, head for the nearest pub and forget about work for a few days. Now you have to make sure your office phone is switched to voicemail (to make sure you don't miss that vital call - so vital it's made when the office is shut) and your e-mail has its Out of Office automated reply switched on. I thought about having a different out of office reply to that of my colleagues. Unsurprisingly, my IT colleagues were less than impressed by these suggestions:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from holiday. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Dave.

*thanks to June in Seattle!