Out of Office E-Mail Messages

The office where I work has closed tonight for Easter. Whoopee, nae mair work until Tuesday. But it's a sign of the times when you just can't simply throw your coat on, head for the nearest pub and forget about work for a few days. Now you have to make sure your office phone is switched to voicemail (to make sure you don't miss that vital call - so vital it's made when the office is shut) and your e-mail has its Out of Office automated reply switched on. I thought about having a different out of office reply to that of my colleagues. Unsurprisingly, my IT colleagues were less than impressed by these suggestions:

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from holiday. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Dave.

*thanks to June in Seattle!