So I Went to Greggs the Bakers...

...on the way home from the pub this afternoon as I realised I had no bread in the house. Behind the counter, looking none too pleased at having to serve me, was a young girl who was obviously delighted at having to work on a gloriously sunny Edinburgh afternoon. I saw trays of bread in the background so, relieved there was still bread available, I asked said young girl if I could have a loaf.

'No' came the forthright reply.

'Sorry?'

'You can't'

At the risk of appearing foolish I asked 'Why ever not?'

'We don't sell bread in this shop' she replied without a trace of humour.

'Okay, let me get this straight' I said with a fair degree of incredulity, 'this is a baker's shop but you don't sell bread'

'That's right'

'Hmm. So why are there several loaves stacked up over there? I asked, fearing another ridiculous answer.

'That's for the sandwiches' was her retort.

This was too good an opportunity to miss so I began the comedy routine.

'I suppose you're only here because you knead the dough?

Blank look.

'Have you stopped making donuts as well? Have you got tired of the hole thing?'

Blank look.

'Are you flexible? Do you have many rolls in this shop'

'We don't sell bread'

'Is that a donut or a meringue? Or was I right the first time?'

Blank look.

Well, you could try and rise to the occasion - it's the yeast you could do...'

She now had a stern look and a supervisor appeared from the back of the shop. 'Is there a problem?' an even sterner looking woman asked.

'Can I have a loaf of bread?'

'No sir, we don't sell bread...'

So, I returned to the pub which, thankfully, continued to serve beer. And the very pleasant girl behind the bar saw me looking at the food menu and apologised. 'I'm sorry - bar lunches are finished for the day. But I could do you a toastie...'