Men Should Weep

Back in 1990 during the World Cup Finals in Italy, Paul Gascoigne, occasional footballer, wife beater and drunk, let his emotions get the better of him during England's semi-final with West Germany and cried as the referee booked him. His reaction was based on the fact this wasn't any ordinary booking - because of his indiscipline earlier in the tournament this booking meant he would miss the World Cup Final if England were to get there - which, of course, they didn't. Nearly two decades on, Gascoigne was in tears again last weekend but this time for a more understandable reason - the death of his mentor Sir Bobby Robson, the man who was in charge of England at the time of Gascoigne's indiscretion.

I read recently about one of those studies that are carried out for no particular reason which stated that 25 per cent of men admitting to crying once a month and letting the floodgates open. I would hazard a guess and say that none of the men interviewed for this research were Scots. Because in the male-dominated Scottish culture it simply goes against the grain for a man to show his emotions. Crying is for babies, women and wimps.

We all suffer heartache and tragedy at some point in our lives. It seems to be a Scots trait that men don't show how much they suffer. Twelve years ago when my father died suddenly and unexpectedly at just 58 years of age, I was an emotional wreck. But in the highly charged weeks that followed, I chewed on my lower lip and kept the tears at bay - at least in public. Alone and in the still of the middle of the night my tears flowed but I was damn sure I wasn't going to let anyone, not even my wife, be aware of this. Why this was the case I don't know.

Three months ago tears flowed aplenty when my daughter Michaela helped to bury her fiance after his even more unexpected death at the age of 21. But the majority of men at the funeral and at the graveside kept themselves in check. My heart broke as I watched my daughter suffer but, again, I fought off the tears.

Yet we live in an age where public displays of emotion are far more commonplace that used to be the case. The death of Diana, Princess of Wales in 1997 - just six months after my father's passing - brought an outpouring of grief in this country that was unprecedented and certainly startled the Royal family. It now seems the norm whenever someone dies in an accident or is the victim of a fatal attack that flowers, teddy bears, football scarves and shirts are laid at the scene as a tribute. I don't remember this happening at all when I was growing up. Grief was a very private thing, something kept within one's one mind.

But it seems that many Scotsmen, certainly including me, are out of step with modern society. It would appear maintaining a stiff upper lip and being the strong, silent type is no longer viewed heroically. Rather, such behaviour is regarded as being an unfeeling, heartless person, a cold potato. The accepted view nowadays is that men are allowed to sob, admired, even, for doing so, when it is something important.

This time next week may well see Scots finally succumb and join the ranks of 'modern men' and wear our hearts on our collective sleeves. For if Scotland's footballers lose their World Cup qualifying tie in Norway, I suspect we'll all be in tears...