That Was The Year That Was - 2019

So farewell then 2019. It’s been another eventful year for the Auld Reekie Ranter so at the risk of boring my dear reader to death I’ll try and highlight the salient points.

Family Fortunes

The year began with a visit to Marion’s brother and sister-in-law in Morecambe in Lancashire. Despite being with Marion for eight years I had never met Rab and Izzie and Marion had lost contact with them - it had been more than a decade since she last saw them. There had been the occasional text – mainly at birthdays – but when they couldn’t make our wedding in 2015 Marion felt it was the final curtain being drawn on her relationship with her sibling.

However, when an invite came – via Facebook as is the way these days – to come to Rab’s grandson’s 18^th birthday bash in January I suggested we accept and head across the border. Marion reluctantly agreed – she still felt snubbed by their non-attendance at our wedding – and we travelled for an overnight stay.

It turned out to be a brilliant occasion. I was made extremely welcome by Rab and Izzie and to see Rab and Marion embrace after so many years was joyous. The real lump in the throat came at the end of the evening on the dance floor. When Don’t Look Back in Anger by Oasis was played as the final tune of the night, Rab, Izzie, Marion and I linked arms and gave each other huge hugs. It was a night to build bridges and not only had the bridge been built it had been extended. We met Rab and Izzie again the following month when they visited Edinburgh and we returned to Lancashire in August, meeting up for a meal and a couple of half pint shandies in August.

For those with family feuds, it shows what can be done. Life is too short.

Marion and her brother Rab - clearly in need of a pint after seeing her again

Moving Experience

If January was a moving experience emotionally April was to be a moving experience physically. Marion and I moved to a new house and there was a bit of emotion for the missus given she had lived in her house for 17 years and it was the home she shared with her mother who passed away in 2008. But move we did and we’re now in the Abbeyhill area of Edinburgh in a brand new flat. It was the first time in my adult life I had moved into a house no one else had lived in before. Despite a few teething problems things seem to be settling down and the fact we’re just a 20-minute walk away from Waverley Station and Princes Street and a 15-minute walk away from the Edinburgh Playhouse – where I continue to review various performances for The Edinburgh Reporter – is a bonus. 

Family Matters

Meeting Marion’s brother and sister-in-law was a real thrill and my own family continue to be a real source of pride. Grandson Jack is growing into a fine young man – it’s hard to believe he’ll be 15 in May - and he continues to excel at school. Gold Merit Awards are commonplace for the lad now and he has a clear vision of what he wants to do. But more importantly, he is an exceptionally well-behaved and courteous young man. He and I continue to go to Hearts games together at Tynecastle and it’s a real pleasure to be in his company. I try and encourage him in everything he does but, being a Scot of course, there’s the odd occasion when he has to be reminded that no one likes a smart arse! But I am really proud of how he is turning out and what he has already achieved at such a young age.

Numbers 1 and 5 - Jack and Daniel (it has a certain ring to it)

His sisters, Hannah and Ava also do their old Papa proud. Hannah is fast approaching those dreaded teenage years, and this can occasionally be reflected in attempts to engage with her in conversation! She is now in her first year at secondary school and there are already signs she is following in her big brother’s footsteps. But Hannah being Hannah, I get the feeling she’s going to sail through life. When she got a silver award for a school project recently I asked her what the project was. She replied she couldn’t remember!

Ava is also doing well at primary school and she at least still asks her Papa if she can stay for a sleepover – this appears now to be distinctly uncool for her older brother and sister. One thing that hasn’t changed this year is her mischievousness. I call her Google now as she has an answer for everything…

And then there’s the baby of the family – (not so) little Daniel who is now nearly 15 months old and has started to take his first steps. When he sits on his Papa’s knee while being regaled by old Hearts songs I can tell he laps it up (no, honestly…) However, the chant of ‘Can You Hear the Hibees Sing? No, No’ has resulted in Daniel shaking his head. I was quite proud of this until his mother Laura pointed out that when she shouts NO! at him when he touches something he shouldn’t he just shakes his head…An unfortunate behavioural trait I’m getting blamed for…

Sadly, I don’t see as much of Laura’s sister Michaela and her wee boy Max. This has been a sticking point this year – as it was last. Did I say life is too short earlier? Hmm…

My mother turned 83 years old three weeks back and her health, sadly, is beginning to fail. Mentally she is as sharp as a tack but physically she struggles. This time last year she was on the waiting list for a hip replacement operation. She’s still waiting…

Jack, Hannah and Ava showing their Papa the respect he deserves...

Highlights

As well as seeing Marion’s brother and sister-in-law and moving to a new house other highlights included seeing various shows through my Edinburgh Reporter role. This has, on occasion,  seen Marion and I hob-knobbing it with various ‘celebs’ including newsreader Catriona Shearer (we shared a table with her and her husband at the Faulty Towers Dining Experience press night at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in August) Sanjeev Kohli (of Still Game fame), comedians Ricky Tomlinson and Craig Hill and Hearts stars Clevid Dikamona, Sean Clare and Oliver Bozanic when I received my ‘plot’ presentation at Tynecastle back in January. 

We’ve enjoyed a veritable plethora of shows and performances throughout 2019. Concerts have included Michael Bublé in Leeds, Paul Weller at Edinburgh Castle (where the forecasted thunder and lightning thankfully materialised) and the always brilliant Madness at Princes Street Gardens.

Shows have included American Idiot, Jersey Boy, Joseph, Matilda, Club Tropicana, The Bodyguard, Faulty Towers – The Dining Experience, Colin Cloud, Craig Hill, Around the World in the 80s, Mamma Mia!, Priscilla – Queen of the Desert, 9 to 5 and Disney’s The Lion King.

Sporting Events

It’s been a year to forget for the once mighty Heart of Midlothian FC although we did get to the Scottish Cup Final in May. Inevitably, we lost to Celtic 2-1, but it was Jack’s first cup final and when the Maroons unexpectedly took the lead early in the second half the laddo was smelling glory. But an old Hearts hand like me knew what was coming – Celtic scored twice, and it was another afternoon of disappointment for the Gorgie Boys.


Business News

My hypnotherapy business continues to do well although staff shortages at my other job in human resources at the University of Edinburgh have had an impact. But bookings for hypnotherapy consultations for 2020 are being taken now: email mike.smith@mgs-hypnotherapy-services.co.uk

Those Who Have Left Us

The deaths of Ranking Roger, lead singer of The Beat, comedian Jeremy Hardy, football legend Billy McNeill, and one of my Hearts heroes from the 1970s, Bobby Prentice all left a mark on me. As I type this post, news has also broken of the sudden death of Neil Innes, comic genius behind The Rutles.

My Raison d'être

Throughout all of this has been the most important person in my life, my wife Marion. This hasn’t been the easiest of years for her. Last month she was admitted to hospital following chest pains and has been diagnosed with a heart condition (I think people are getting weary of me asking who knew she had a heart?) It’s something she and I now have to live with but it’s obviously a real concern. My father died very suddenly in 1997 of a heart ailment. He was only 58 years old. Marion is at that same age now and the possibility of lightning striking twice is at the forefront of my mind. Without Marion, my life would cease to have any real meaning. Yes, I have two daughters and five fabulous grandchildren whom I love dearly but they have their own lives to lead. I’m optimistic Marion will continue to live a full and active life but the impact of my father’s passing nearly 23 years ago has left an indelible mental scar and a propensity to think the worst. 

The lovely Marion (it says here)

Who knows what 2020 will bring. Life for everyone is one big challenge and there are many people with far bigger challenges than I. All I can hope for is health and happiness. Oh, and for Hearts to avoid relegation in the spring…

All the very best for the New Year, dear reader. May 2020 be everything you want it to be.

The Who - I Can't Explain

One of the best songs ever.

November - A Dark Month In More Ways Than One

November 1969. A dark, dreich and grey afternoon. I stood at a bus stop in Cumbernauld, on the outskirts of Glasgow, next to my mother. My father had just dropped us off and I watched as his Ford Cortina sped off, the sight of his car diminishing quickly as he headed home. To a house that was no longer home to my mother and me.


We waited for a bus that would take us to Glasgow and Queen Street station for a train to Aberdeen. I was only seven years old, but I still remember that day. In particular how dark and dismal the day was, meteorologically and metaphorically. The train journey north seemed endless. As darkness quickly fell there was little to see out of the carriage window. My mother didn’t say much. Her heart had been broken for she and my father had decided to end their ten-year marriage. She believed it was best if she returned to Aberdeen where her family lived taking me with her. 


I was too young to fully appreciate what was going on. I thought it was some kind of mini break, that we would be going back Cumbernauld before long. We didn’t. When we arrived in Aberdeen that evening, we headed to a dingy basement flat in the city’s west end that looked as if it still had the same furniture as it had in the second world war. It was cold. We had no television, no heating nothing to call our own. My mother borrowed an old paraffin heater from the woman upstairs and we walked through the cold Aberdeen night air to a nearby garage to buy some paraffin. 


That night, as we huddled round the heater, my mother broke down in tears. She still recalls me putting my arm around her and telling her everything would be all right. If I did, my optimism was temporarily misplaced. Three days later her father – my granddad - collapsed at work with a brain haemorrhage. He was rushed to hospital but died a week later. Double trauma just before Christmas.


I was to spend the next 20 years in Aberdeen. They weren’t particularly happy. I grew up and met and married my first wife there. My children were born there. But at the end of 1989 I decided I had had enough and left. I moved to the city I have called home for nearly 30 years – Edinburgh.
Ten years ago, on the 40^th anniversary of my parents parting, I wrote a wee piece for this blog. It was noticed by BBC Radio Scotland who invited me on to a documentary about the impact of divorce on children – What About The Children? It brought back some painful memories which lie mainly dormant but, on anniversaries like this, come to the forefront once more.


My mother followed me to Edinburgh ten years ago. My father died in 1997. He was just 58. Nowadays thousands of couples all over Scotland get divorced. It’s a process that is now infinitely easier than it was half a century ago. I got divorced myself six years ago although my daughters were by then adults with one of them having children of her own. The pain of divorce may numb over the years, but its impact can last a lifetime, particularly the effect it can have on children.


I can’t forget that dark day 50 years ago and, in a way, I don’t want to. It shaped my life and while it made my childhood a largely unhappy one, it meant I was determined my children and my children’s children wouldn’t endure the pain and heartache I had.


But I still find November a dark month in more ways than one.

Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2019 - Colin Cloud

I’ve been going to see Colin Cloud at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe for the last five years now. And every year he never fails to entertain, amaze and astound.

The illusionist extraordinaire has appeared on the Royal Variety Performance and recently appeared on America’s Got Talent. His shows at the Fringe are one of the highlights of the three-week arts and entertainment extravaganza and this year has proved to be no different.

This year’s show is called Sinful and for the first time he has a special guest – his fiancée Chloe Crawford.

The great man begs the question – are you an honest person? And, having answered – did you just lie to yourself? Believe me Colin Cloud will know – he knows everything about you.

He listens to your whispers and gleans those innermost secrets.

Without giving too much away, I can say that Colin Cloud is at his most brilliant this year. I always leave his shows asking myself ‘how the heck did he do that?’ I don’t know – and, if truth be told given what he knew of some of his unsuspecting audience the other night, I don’t want to know.

His shows are utterly compelling – he is simply a genius. His show is well worth the rather lengthy wait in a queue outside the Grand at the Pleasance, even allowing the stewards rather messing up the queuing system for Tuesday evening’s performance.

Colin Cloud – Sinful is at The Pleasance until 25th August 2019.

Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2019 - Something About Simon

Fans of Paul Simon will want to ensure they catch Something About Simon, the story of the American singer songwriter, which is on at the Assembly George Square Studios as part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.

In this brand-new show, fellow singer songwriter Gary Edward Jones recites the music of one of his idols and, between songs, tells the story of the great man from his early days in England to his partnership with Art Garfunkel and his ground-breaking album Graceland.

A natural storyteller, Liverpudlian Edward Jones weaves together songs and stories that cross the Atlantic from New Jersey to the North West of England. He traces the sometimes-poignant moments in Paul Simon’s life and career that occasionally mirror his own.

There are no fancy gimmicks or expensive sets on the show. Just one talented musician with an array of guitars in the intimate setting of Studio One at the Assembly George Square studios. Edward Jones is an accomplished singer and musician and he effortlessly glides through classic Simon ballads such as The Sound of Silence, America, Homeward Bound, Wristband and the classic Bridge Over Troubled Water.

It’s a hugely enjoyable performance and one perfect for a late afternoon when thoughts perhaps turn to a glass of wine or two to relax. Something About Simon is not a tribute show but simply a recognition of one the greatest singer songwriters of the last century. If you enjoy the music of Paul Simon you’ll love Something About Simon.

Something About Simon – The Paul Simon Story is in at the Assembly Rooms George Square Studios (Venue 17) from Aug 3-11, 13-18, 20-26. 

Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2019 - Faulty Towers - The Dining Experience

One of the more positive elements of those satellite television channels showing endless repeats of programmes from the 1970s and 80s is that they bring true classic shows from that era to the watching audience today. One of those shows is Fawlty Towers, the hilarious comedy set in a Torquay hotel with John Cleese playing the hotel owner Basil Fawlty. He treats paying guests with a mixture of rudeness and reverence and his daily battle with all that life has to throw at him resonates with many today.

I am a huge fan of the show so when the opportunity came to see the Faulty Towers – The Dining Experience at the Edinburgh Fringe I went unabashed even though I had doubts that the players would struggle to make the same impact as Cleese and the other cast members of the television show such as Prunella Scales, who played Fawlty’s unbearable wife Sybil and Andrew Sachs who played the hapless but loveable waiter Manuel.

The setting is the impressive Principal Hotel in George Street and such grand surroundings are at odds with the television’s setting in a small crumbing Torquay hotel – but such is the demand to see the show it does need to be held somewhere as grand.

Fawlty Towers the television show was made forty years ago so it’s possible – although unlikely – that some people may not have heard of it despite it being constantly repeated on the satellite channel Gold. Those who loved the television show probably knew what was coming as they firstly assembled in the waiting area where Basil Faulty ( a subtle change in the spelling of the surname) – played by Jack Baldwin who mimicked Faulty’s eccentric behaviour perfectly – announced the seating plan, passing surly comments on those he felt had not dressed appropriately for the occasion. Baldwin’s physical comedy was brilliant – it’s worth watching what he does particularly when Sybil and Manuel are hogging the limelight.

Inside the dining area the hapless Manuel – brilliantly portrayed by Oliver Harrison – created havoc with guests who loved his antics, nonetheless. Harrison stole the show and his performance was such I feel sure the late, great Andrew Sachs would surely have approved. The domineering Sybil Faulty was played with some style by Karina Garnett and her love-hate relationship with her husband underpinned the show.

And what makes this performance different from so many others is that not only do you see brilliant comic actors at work you are served a delicious three course meal, the quality of which was far superior to the service provided by a certain Spanish waiter (he’s from Barcelona…)

What followed before, during and after the meal was what most of the paying guests came to see – the chef’s loss of a personal item in someone’s soup; the fire drill, Manuel’s escaped hamster which is really a rat; Basil’s attempt to hide his bet on the horses from Sybil and his rant against Germans.

Whilst the food was delicious – albeit the menu was limited – and the performances sublime my only small gripe was the performers would have benefited with being fitted with a small microphone. I struggled to hear some of the dialogue when the action took place at the other side of the dining room.

That said, Faulty Towers – The Dining Experience is two hours of brilliant entertainment. Be prepared to be ridiculed, be prepared to be part of the slapstick action. But, above all, be prepared to be thoroughly entertained. But not a word to the dragon!

Faulty Towers – The Dining Experience is on at the Principal Hotel, George Street until 26^th August 2019. 

Smile and...

...you'll know these little blighters are after something.

Paul Weller Moves On Up at the Castle

Photo: @paulwellerHQ

Like so many people of my generation I grew up listening to The Jam. The ‘angry young man’ that was lead singer Paul Weller produced songs that resonated with my teenage years. Modern World, News of the World, In the City, That’s Entertainment, Town Called Malice – a song that resonated with me during my time in Aberdeen - these and many more made such an impact on me and millions of others all around the world…


It’s one of my regrets that I never got the chance to see The Jam live. Weller split from the band in 1982, the year I first got married but after a spell with The Style Council, his solo career has taken off. Thankfully, I’ve now seen the great man live three times in recent years – with his gig at Edinburgh Castle last Thursday the latest.

The weather forecast for that evening had not been promising. I had been keeping a weather watch in the days leading up to the event; heavy rain had been forecast which then moved on up (do you see what I did there?) to thunderstorms from mid-afternoon to late evening. That literally threatened to put a dampener on things. However, the weather Gods must also be aficionados of Mr Weller because the rain didn’t materialise, and Thursday evening saw the clouds part and the sun shine on the majestic Edinburgh Castle.

The support act   - The Sound Foundation – set the tone with a Welleresque set before the great man himself appeared around 8.30pm. A truly sublime two hours followed. 

In his recent gigs I’ve attended, Weller has tended to focus more on his solo compositions and latest album releases, with the odd Jam number thrown in. On Thursday, Weller played far more songs from The Jam – Man in a Corner Shop, Precious, That’s Entertainment to name a few – as well as some numbers from The Style Council (Shout to the Top has always been my favourite Style Council song) 

He also performed some of his more memorable solo numbers such as Wildwood, From the Floorboards Up and the heart-tugging You Do Something To Me.

Naturally, Weller’s well-deserved encore just had to include Town Called Malice. His adoring audience simply lapped him up. 

Paul Weller never disappoints. On Thursday at the magnificent setting that is Edinburgh Castle he excelled yet again. 

Long live the Modfather.

Review: The Bodyguard - The Musical

I headed to the Edinburgh Playhouse on Wednesday evening not sure what to expect from The Bodyguard: The Musical. The premise of the show is a star singer, Rachel Marron, who is threatened by a fan who is infatuated by her. Enter Frank Farmer, a bodyguard with a past hired to protect her. Not the kind of thing to be taken lightly. However, there are comedic and touching moments in a show that turned out to be hugely enjoyable.

Produced by Michael Harrison and David Ian, The Bodyguard is based on the 1992 Oscar nominated film which starred Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner.  

Former X Factor winner Alexandra Burke plays the part of Rachel in the evening performances (Jennlee Shallow plays this part in the matinee shows). Burke certainly has a singing voice and has done well to cultivate an American accent. Her rendition of ‘I Will Always Love You’ was particularly impressive and an array of instantly recognisable songs such as Queen of the Night, So Emotional, One Moment in Time, Saving All My Love, Run to You, I Have Nothing, I Wanna Dance with Somebody ensure the show hits the heights.

Benoît Maréchal plays the bodyguard Frank Farmer and he and Burke seem the perfect pairing. The story of the show is the relationship between the pair. Each expects to be in charge but what they don’t expect is to fall in love. The show concentrates in Marron’s relationship with Farmer but also touches on Marron’s family’s reaction to their flowering relationship. Catching some considerable attention are Micha Richardson as Nicki Marron - who, herself, falls in love with Farmer - and Archie Smith who is one of six youngsters playing the part of Marron’s young son Fletcher.

The ingenious use of sets allows the stage to transform in every scene although the use of lights in the more upbeat numbers does tend to dazzle rather too brightly.  However, the sets and impressive dance numbers ensures The Bodyguard is a spectacular show. It will make you laugh; it will make you cry but, at the end of the night, you feel thoroughly entertained. 

The Bodyguard is on at the Edinburgh Playhouse from 9th to 20th July 2019. 

The Neighbourhood Ain't Bad

The Auld Reekie Ranter and she-who-must-be-obeyed aka Marion moved house recently. It's farewell to Leith and hello to Abbey Lane, in the heart of Scotland's capital. We're just a few yards away from these scenes:

The neighbours were in this afternoon. Stick the kettle on, Brenda...

We're lucky to have such a stunning environment on our doorstep.  

Automatic Schmuck

Back in the mists of time – circa 1985 – my manager at my place of work in Aberdeen told me our office was getting a personal computer.

‘A what?’ I cried. ‘There’s no chance of me using it’ I protested. ‘I know nothing about computers and I ain’t using one’

A thin smile crossed his face. ‘You’d better get used to it, Mike. In years to come computers will rule the world’ Alas, my old boss has proved to be correct.

Now, computers are nearly everywhere you go – resulting in the depersonalisation of society.

You go to the supermarket. At the checkout, there are rows of self-service tills, all with the same annoying voice and all ‘thanking you for shopping at Tesco’. I steadfastly refuse to use these things, preferring the human touch, even if it is a grouchy woman on the till checking her mobile phone in between scanning my goods purchased.

If you’re travelling by train and are brave enough to use ScotRail there’s no escape. The automated tannoy announcements at Edinburgh’s Waverley Station spit out which trains are departing from which platforms.

‘The-next-train-to-depart-from-platform-14-will-be-the…..0930-hours-service-to…. Glasgow-Queen-Street-calling-at-Falkirk-High-and-Croy…’ The human touch of someone actually reading this in ‘real-time’ (another phrase I deplore) has long since been shunted into a siding.

To purchase a ticket, you can still go to a manned desk but it’s clear the rail authorities would much rather you use one of the countless ticket machines dotted around the concourse.

Even on the train, automation takes over. Another loud and obtrusive automated voice will bawl ‘This-train-is-for-Glasgow-Queen-Street-the-next-station-is-Falkirk-High’ followed by ‘Please-mind-the-gap-when-alighting-this-train’. Occasionally, the ticket inspector will trawl the carriages asking to see tickets and passes and it’s almost a relief to see a human face.

Domestically, if you need to phone the gas/electric/broadband provider/insurance company etc inevitably you are giving a plethora of menu options to navigate first.

‘Press 1 for billing enquiries; Press 2 for order status; Press 3 for service information; Press 4 if you wish to tell us about a change of address…or, if you really have to, press 5 and one of our agents will deal with your enquiry.’ But if you think pressing 5 will immediately put you in contact with a human, think again. ‘Thank you. Our agents are very busy right now and you are in queue position number…5. You may wish to call back when we’re less busy…’

Even a mundane task such as visiting your GP – and, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I’m not a well man, although I don’t like to talk about it – has now succumbed to the robots. When visiting the surgery, I no longer need to converse with the friendly receptionist behind the counter. I just tap a large screen attached to the wall and confirm my date of birth (I’m not saying I’m old, but it takes a few moments for me to scroll down the year field on the screen). ‘Are you Michael Smith?’ displays an on-screen message? Tap yes and another message tells you to take a seat. I despair.

I know we’re in the digital age and businesses are always looking for much more efficient ways of doing things aka to save money. But it seems to me that social exchanges in everyday life are becoming more of a rarity these days. And while I suspect some people may run a mile rather than converse with me, to me this is a sad reflection on today’s impatient, far-too-busy society.

Now, for feedback on this post please comment with:

1-     If you’ve enjoyed it

2-     If you feel you’ve just wasted the last few minutes

3-     If you think it’s been the usual tirade of tiresome rubbish

Musical Review: Club Tropicana

There seems to be something of a 1980s revival these days which, given some of the music and fashion from the decade that style forgot is something of a surprise. But if you still hanker after the days of legwarmers, white tee-shirts adorned with huge slogans and mobile phones the size of a large brick then Club Tropicana the Musical is for you.

It’s a show that’s been described as the Love Island of the 1980s (don’t ask, that’s lost on me too) and it bounced into Edinburgh on Tuesday evening for the first of a run of shows that end on Saturday. Innuendo abounds; camp is all around; and there’s love stories with rather predictable endings. But for all that, I loved it!

The main character is Garry, played with such energetic style by former X-Factor winner Joe McElderry. The story is set in Club Tropicana, a hotel for which the name chaos could have been invented. McElderry hams the action delightfully and has developed a comedic persona which comes to the fore in this entertaining romp through the 1980s.

Alongside McElderry is the brilliant Kate Robbins who plays the hotel maid Consuela. Robbins, of course, made her name as an impressionist of some ability, having contributed to one of the top sketch shows of the 1980s, the puppet satire that was ITV’s Spitting Image. Robbins has not lost her mimicry skills and she revels in ‘doing’ stars such as Tina Turner, Shirley Bassey and Liverpool’s singer turned prime-time 80s telly presenter Cilla Black. Robbins, for me, is the star of the show and she had the Playhouse audience in hoots of laughter.

The role of Serena, the hotel manager, is played by Amelle Berrabah, once of The Sugababes (who, I’m reliably informed, were an all-girl pop band) and while she isn’t as prominent as McElderry and Robbins, still provides one of the highlights of the evening with a spine-tingling version of the Yahoo classic Only You (Berrabah overcame a small technical issue at the start of the song quite brilliantly) Serena has her eyes on Rob, who was due to be played by Neil McDermott, a former EastEnders actor, but, on Tuesday’s performance was played by understudy Nye Rees.

During these troubled times, Club Tropicana will take you back to more innocent days and it’s clear the cast love performing and stomping out the instantly recognisable numbers from three decades ago. Like all good shows this is reflected in the feel-good factor that envelopes the show and there’s every chance you’ll leave the theatre with at least one of those 1980s hits buzzing around in your head for the rest of the evening. 

Girls Just Want to Have Fun, She Drives Me Crazy, The Look of Love, Don’t Go, Jump, Making Your Mind up (with a wee twist on the legendary Bucks Fizz tearing the skirts away routine) and many others will have you looking out your old Sony Walkman when you get home.

Club Tropicana is literally a blast from the past. It’s on at the Edinburgh Playhouse until Saturday 15^th June 2019. 

A Message for the Missus

This should get me some Brownie points...

Theatre Review: The Mousetrap

The Mousetrap has made it name as the longest-running West End show ever, having run continuously since 1952 – before even I was born! So, when it was announced that this iconic theatrical production was heading to Edinburgh’s Playhouse, it was an event that I felt had to be seen. And, let me say at the beginning, I wasn’t disappointed.

It’s entirely appropriate that Agatha Christie’s classic ‘whodunnit’ has come to Edinburgh. The legendary author married her second husband Max Mallowan at St Cuthbert’s Church at the foot of Lothian Road in 1930 so there has always been an association with the author to Scotland’s capital city. 

Given the nature of the play, I won’t spoil things for those who haven’t yet seen it. The plot is the aftermath of a murder in London. Monkswell Manor, a guest house run by young married couple Giles and Mollie Ralston, welcomes five guests who, upon first impressions, don’t appear to have any connections with each other. Some of the guests are expected, some are not, due to a heavy snowstorm. 

Then the telephone rings. A woman has been murdered in London and the murderer is on the run. The police are warning there is a killer in the vicinity of the guest house and the newly arrived guests are in danger. Who will escape the clutches of the killer? Who is the killer? Is it one of the newly arrived guests?

You’ll need to see the show to find out. 

The characters are, as you might expect, an eclectic bunch with a cantankerous elderly woman, a retired army general and a superbly camp young bachelor. Fans of the classic BBC sitcom Only Fools and Horses will recognise the elderly woman, Mrs Boyle, as Gwyneth Strong who played Rodney Trotter’s wife Cassandra in the hit show.  Geoff Arnold gives a strong performance as the army general as does Lewis Chandler who plays Christopher Wren but the star of the show, in my opinion, is David Alcock who plays the mildly eccentric Mr Paravicini, a character who offers more questions than answers.

As you might expect with an Agatha Christie story, there are no gimmicks or elaborate production features. It’s just good, old-fashioned, edge of your seat quality acting which keeps you hooked throughout. Without giving too much away, the killer reveals themselves to the audience towards the end of the show – and asks the audience to keep the revelation to themselves! I will say nothing more other than, given the characters and one of the cast involved, there’s more than a hint of irony!

The Mousetrap is a high-quality production of a classic Agatha Christie story. It flits between dark humour and suspense and is well worth a visit. But you’d better be quick – the show is only on until this Wednesday!

The Mousetrap is on at the Edinburgh Playhouse until Wednesday 29^th May. 

Two of a Kind

Yesterday saw daughter number one celebrate her 33rd birthday. It doesn't seem that nearly a third of a century has passed since I packed a case for my wife at the time, all ready for the day she was due to give birth, in order she could rush straight to Aberdeen's Maternity Hospital.

On that morning, back in 1986, I awoke my wife and asked if she was okay. She replied she felt absolutely fine.

Would she mind if I went to the Aberdeen-Hearts game that day? Of course not she smiled.

She wasn't smiling 12 hours later when I returned home. I omitted to say the game wasn't being played in Aberdeen. As it was the Scottish Cup final it was in Glasgow - 140 miles away...

But daughter Laura did her bit to save my skin my delaying her entrance to the world by a full week. So, there was no harm done...

Laura now has four children of her own. The oldest, Jack is 14 years old. The youngest, Daniel is just 7 months old. As you might detect from the photos below, there is an uncanny resemblance...

Jack 2005

Daniel 2019

Line of Duty Extra: AC-12 Visits Tynecastle

The excellent BBC1 series Line of Duty ended its fifth series on Sunday evening. However, there is one additional programme which hasn’t aired. Yet…

Scene 1: A conference suite in the new main stand at Tynecastle Park, Edinburgh. Superintendent Ted Hastings is seated, flanked by two senior members of his AC-12 team. Enter Hearts manager Craig Levein accompanied by his legal representative Ann Budge.

TH: Interview commenced 1600 hours. Chaired by Superintendent Hastings, assisted by DI Fleming and DS Arnott. For the tape can you please confirm your name and role.

CL: Craig Levein. Manager of Heart of Midlothian Football Club.

TH: Thank you. This is to confirm, Mr Levein, that this interview is connection with your competency to manage one of Scotland’s leading football clubs. DI Fleming, can you commence proceedings please.

DI Fleming: Item 1 in your folders. This is Hearts record in the last six months which shows just six wins during this time. As someone in charge of one of the top football clubs in Scotland, can you explain this abysmal record?

AB: I must insist you withdraw the word ‘abysmal’. 

TH: Oh? And what word would you use to describe the team’s recent form?

AB: I prefer ‘consistent’. 

TH: Dear Mother of God. Continue DI Fleming.

DI Fleming: This period of ‘abysmal consistency’ includes home defeats to Dundee, Kilmarnock (twice); draws with Livingston and St Mirren and, most damaging, a loss to Hibernian. Can you explain this?

CL: Well, results aren’t everything. 

DI Fleming: What about the 5-0 hammering from Livingston just before Christmas?

CL: I actually believe we’ve played quite well in most of these games. We’ve just been unlucky. And we’ve had a helluva lot of injuries.

TH: I agree, you’ve had more than your fair share of injuries. But with the size of the squad you built during last summer these can’t be described as wholly mitigating circumstances. 

AB: You also need to remember Mr Levein’s own personal issues. He had a health scare back in September. 

TH: Granted. Although the evidence we’ve collated suggests Hearts supporters have a health scare every time they read Mr Levein’s team selection.

DS Arnott: Why did you let talented young players such as Anthony McDonald, Dario Zanatta and Bobby Burns go out on loan? 

CL: They are good young players. They were showing the rest of the team up.

TH: Hmm. Continue please, DS Arnott.

DS Arnott: Item 2 in your folders. You will see from the screen a range of numbers: 4-2-1-2-1; 5-3-1-1; 3-5-1-1; 6-3-1-0; Can you explain what these numbers mean?

CL: I, erm, I…

TH: Just be like Arnaud Djoum and take all the time in the world.

CL (after a pause to sip from a glass of water) It looks like they’re my tactics for some of the games we’ve played recently.

TH: Uh-huh. Is the 6-3-1-0 formation the one you use when visiting Celtic Park and Ibrox?

CL: Yes.

DS Arnott: As a Celtic fan I can confirm this is the case. Hearts barely cross the halfway line.

TH: DS Arnott, I would remind you that you are in character and not Martin Compston for the purpose of this interview.

DS Arnott: Sorry, sir.

TH: So, Mr Levein, how do you account for this lack of adventure when visiting Glasgow?

CL: Well, Celtic and Rangers are big boys and have more money and better players than I have.

TH: DI Fleming, continue please.

DI Fleming: Item 3 in your folders. A photograph of one Craig Wighton.

TH: Mr Levein, can you confirm you signed Mr Wighton from Dundee? 

CL: Yes, I did.

TH: And have you seen Mr Wighton recently?

CL: I saw him last Saturday.

TH: That’s an interesting comment, fella, because no one else has had sight nor sound of him. Particularly opposition defenders who have told this inquiry they’ve never seen him before. This is also borne out by our interviews with thousands of Hearts supporters.

CL: Well, he is on the field. I can assure you of that.

DS Arnott: Item 4 in your folders. A photograph of one Conor Shaughnessy.

TH: Mr Levein, can you confirm you also signed Mr Shaughnessy from Leeds United on loan?

CL: Yes, I did.

TH: Dear, Mother of God. There’s a line. It’s called right and wrong and I know which side my duty lies, so why don’t you write a nice letter of resignation to Mrs Budge or I swear to God I will join the thousands of Hearts supporters protesting vehemently about the performances from the team they love?!

CL (looks at his mobile phone under his desk) Types ‘urgent exit needed’

Gary Locke appears from nowhere and drags CL from the room. At the back of the room, John Robertson smiles and shakes his head knowingly.

To be continued….

A Moving Story

The love of Marion's life - not me, but this fella...

They say among the most stressful things you can do in life is getting a new job, getting divorced and moving to a new house. The last few weeks has seen my levels of stress increase substantially as Marion and I have moved to a new abode. During the packing of various bits and bobs the other week, it crossed my mind there may be grounds for divorce. I’m not talking about arguing with she-who-must-be-obeyed (I wouldn’t dare) but rather what she took with her to our new home.

The present Mrs Smith was browsing through her record collection and deciding which discs she would like to keep for posterity and those she would like to throw out.  The Osmonds, Black Lace, The Dooleys, erm, Max Bygraves...there was a strong smell of cheese emanating from the spare room. She has the original ‘Now That’s What I Call Music’ recordings on vinyl which you can pay a small fortune for in some music stores where vinyl has made a comeback. I was contemplating the wisdom of marrying someone who has such dubious musical taste when, from the ‘collection’, Marion produced another couple of gems (bear with me)

The two gems referred to were – would you believe – football related and were from Scotland’s ill-fated world cup campaigns of years gone by.

Comedian Andy Cameron became famous (or should that be infamous) for his song – although I use the term loosely – Ally’s Tartan Army, the anthem of Scotland’s doomed World Cup campaign of 1978 in Argentina and homage to the manager of the national team at that time Ally MacLeod (it’s okay – you don’t need to dive under the bed). Marion still has the record – possibly one of only a handful of people who still do. In fact, she not only has a copy but it’s a signed copy, with the bold Andy’s signature scribbled over the cover. I was somewhat taken aback by this but the reason she has a signed copy has faded somewhat from her memory. For that perhaps I should be thankful.

As if this wasn’t enough, she then produced another record from Scotland’s next doomed World Cup campaign in Spain in 1982. ‘We Have a Dream’ was sung – again, I use the term loosely – by the Scotland squad by way of taking their minds off the prospect of facing Brazil in Seville. The opening lyric – ‘I awoke in the night with a fever’ may well have been prominent in goalkeeper Alan Rough’s mind as he watched goal after Brazilian goal flash past him as the Scots lost 4-1. However, it’s another line from the song that summed up Scotland’s tale of woe – ‘that’s no the ball yer kickin' ya eejit, it’s me!’ could easily describe defenders Alan Hansen and Willie Miller clattering into each other to allow Russia to score and therefore eliminate the Scots in the final group game. Terrible defending, as Mr Hansen was prone to say when he turned BBC Match of the Day pundit several years later.

Quite why my wife had this particular record in her collection isn’t entirely clear. She certainly can’t remember buying it and could only surmise her late father had purchased the recording back in 1982. 

Both songs have been consigned to the depths of my subconscious mind - have I mentioned I’m a hypnotherapist? Contact me if you have any unwanted habits…but it’s surprising what events can bring such tortuous memories back to the forefront of one’s mind. 

Every cloud has a silver lining. The only positive thing one can take from Scotland’s continual failure over the past 20 years and more to qualify for the finals of a major tournament is that we don’t have to put up with corny – okay, awful – songs recorded by football players who sound like a street full of cats on heat. And there have been some stinkers in decades gone by. Rod Stewart probably doesn’t need reminding of his Ole Ola effort – ‘we’re going to bring the World Cup back from over thar’ and there are many others which make you want to head to a darkened room when you hear them again.  

The last few days have been an ideal opportunity to throw out so much unused rubbish accumulated over the years. However, not only has Marion insisted on taking those recordings by The Osmonds, The Dooleys and Max Bygraves with her to our spanking new home, she’s taking those World Cup ditties with her.

They’re sitting alongside my treasured recording of the Hearts Song from 1986…

Review: Matilda Is A Must-See

Roald Dahl was one of the most prominent British novelist, poet and screenwriters of the 20^th century so when one of his many books – Matilda – inspired a musical it carried with it a ‘must-see’ tag. 

Matilda the Musical, from the Royal Shakespeare Company, opened at the Edinburgh Playhouse this week and as the winner of a multitude of awards worldwide its reputation went before it.

Dahl’s book was written in 1988 and has a thoroughly modern feel to it. I’m usually rather wary of musicals based on books – the beauty of the written word is it is left to one’s imagination to envisage the story – but this musical certainly does it justice.

Matilda Wormwood, played quite brilliantly by Scarlett Cecil, is a five-year-old girl of unusual precocity with astonishing intellectual abilities - not that this impresses her parents, played Rebecca Thornhill and Sebastien Torkia, loveable but intellectually challenged (‘you’re reading books? What’s wrong with the telly?!’) Matilda gets up to all kinds of pranks such as gluing her father’s hat to his head and bleaching her pater’s hair in acts of reprisal for her parents being so horrible to her. 

At school she forms a friendship with teacher Miss Jennifer Honey, played by Carly Thoms. However, the school’s headmistress, the tyrannical Agatha Trunchbull, brilliantly played by Elliot Harper is as equally unimpressed by Matilda’s unique talent as Mr and Mrs Wormwood who are of the notion they wish their child hadn’t been born at all. Mr Wormwood refers to Matilda throughout as ‘boy’. 

Trunchbull dislikes the children at her school – in fact, she dislikes all children and threatens them with all kinds of punishment. 

Matilda’s running fabricated story to library worker Mrs Phelps, played by Michelle Chantwell Hopewell, about an escapologist and acrobat underpins the show. There are frequent scenes with Mrs Phelps in the library, sat on a stool whilst battling with her emotions as Matilda relays chapter after chapter of the story of the two characters she has contrived. Or has she contrived? There’s a wee twist in the tale towards the end.

Matilda displays a mischievous streak throughout, but this is underpinned by a sense of innocence – and as a grandfather of five little horrors I understand this all too well!

The musical is energetic from the start. The opening number – ‘My mummy says I’m a miracle’ - is chanted with gusto by the ensemble and gets the show off to a feet-stomping start.

Most of the action takes place at Matilda’s school and the superb School Song with its dazzling visuals and choreography is one of the highlights of the evening. The songs fit the story perfectly with numbers such as When I Grow Up, Telly, The Smell of Rebellion and My House.

Matilda the Musical has everything one wants from a night at the theatre.  It is emotive, energetic, very funny and visually spectacular. All of the cast are superb, but a special mention must go to the leading lady. Scarlett Cecil was absolutely faultless as Matilda and worthy of the standing ovation she received at the end of the show. Here’s a young lady who is bound for stardom. 

With the Easter holidays looming this would be the ideal show to take your children to – they will love it. They may laugh, they may even feel they want to cry but, above all, they will feel thoroughly entertained. Roald Dahl died in 1990 but his legacy lives on. Had he still been around to see this musical adaptation, I have no doubt he would have approved.

Matilda the Musical is on at the Edinburgh Playhouse until Saturday 27^th April 2019. 

Can't Get Used To Losing Ranking Roger

Photo: flickr.com

Those who know me know my love for ska music. The news that Ranking Roger, lead singer of legendary ska band The Beat, has died after a period of illness was like a dagger to my heart.

I loved The Beat. I'm proud to say I've seen them many times over the years. Their sublime musical talent, their ceaseless energy, their gift of being able to lift one's spirits when they are at their lowest will be with me forever.  Songs such as Mirror In The Bathroom, Hands Off She's Mine, Too Nice To Talk To, Doors Of Your Heart - became classic numbers. They also did superb cover versions of Can't Get Used To Losing You and Tears Of A Clown.

Ranking Roger - real name Roger Charlery - was a ska icon, bouncing across the stage with boundless energy. His call to the many fans who adored him during gigs - 'RUDE boys....RUDE girls' was greeted with tumultuous cheering and the band would reel off their classic numbers while the audience danced along and lapped up the raucous atmosphere.

It was what The Beat did best. Their music invoked a feelgood factor and I have never been to one of their gigs which I didn't enjoy or feel so much better afterwards.

Roger was just 56 years old - a year younger than I am which underlines that none of us are immune from tragedy. In recent years, his son Ranking Junior, joined him on stage and it was obvious the influence his father had on him.

A few years ago when The Beat were playing in Edinburgh - if my memory serves me correctly it was at the Picture House venue, now a damned pub at the foot of Lothian Road - I was standing at the bar before the gig when Roger suddenly appeared. He was courteous, friendly and nothing was too much trouble for him with fans eager to be seen with the great man and shake his hand, as I did. It was a moment I'll never forget.

As The Beat memorably sang, 'Can't Get Used to Losing You' it's a song which all too sadly rings true today.

Rest easy, Rude Boy.

A Test of Endurance

Chatting with my dear old mother last night she remarked that, on this day in 1959, she married my father. This would have been their diamond wedding anniversary were it not for the fact that a) they split up ten years later; b) they got divorced in 1970; c) father died suddenly in 1997 aged just 58.

Mother did recall that her new groom decided to read out the result of the Grand National during his wedding speech which was, perhaps, a sign of things to come (it was won by Oxo at 8/1  - mother felt she was made a laughing stock...) Legend has it he married again in 1973  - on the same date to another woman who had the same name. That marriage didn't last either...

My mother is of the opinion I have many of my father's traits which I don't think is meant as a compliment. The fact that when I re-married four years ago I read out the result of the Hearts game played that day is neither here or there.

The fate of my parents marriage impacted on the life I would have. My mother remarked as much last night.

'If we hadn't got divorced I wouldn't have left Cumbernauld and taken you north to Aberdeen' she said. True.

'Then you wouldn't have met Pat (my first wife)'. True again.

'You wouldn't have had your daughters Laura and Michaela'. Indeed.

'And you wouldn't have your five little horrors grandchildren' Hmm.

'And it's unlikely you would have ever met Marion and got married again'.

At this point I asked her a question.

'Why the hell couldn't you and my father have stayed together...?'

😜😜😜😜