Carry on Codgers

I travelled north to Aberdeen on Friday to see an old friend (it was almost two old friends but one of them took cold feet...!) and spent an enjoyable evening in the Granite City. No, that's not an oxymoron. Those who follow the fortunes of the city's football club and remember that erstwhile striker Frank McDougal may be interested to know he now runs a pub close to the city's Guild Street. Mine host still looks as fit as he did in 1984....true, he looked absolutely knackered twenty four years ago but that's beside the point. An enjoyable pint was had in Frank McDougal's Sports Bar.

It is perhaps a sign of my advancing years that three hours spent sampling the dubious pleasure of travelling on board a MegaBus service back to the capital city didn't do my frozen shoulder any good. Anyone who has suffered this condition - perhaps Adullamite, as he appears to have suffered everything else - will know how painful this can be. I'm used to receiving the cold shoulder from my family but this is something quite intense.

On arriving back in Edinburgh I met my mother and accompanied her on the Lothian Buses Service 33 to her place of abode, namely Gilmerton. My mother is in her early 70s and, unfortunately, her hearing isn't what it used to be. So when one of her neighbours, who is that little bit older and requires the use of a hearing aid, boarded the bus at Edinburgh's Royal Infirmary, there was a scene which could have been straight out of Carry On Doctor. Particularly when my mother's neighbour chose to sit in the seat opposite and not in the vacant seat in front of us. Cue a re-run of the scene from the Carry On film where Frankie Howard mistakenly believes he has only weeks to live and decides to marry his hard of hearing assistant - with the wedding conducted by a vicar whose hearing aid battery has gone flat. So, on the number 33 bus...

Mother: Hello Arthur

Arthur: What?

Mother: I said hello Arthur.

Arthur: I think it's about half past four.

Me: She's saying hello Arthur.

Mother: Why did he say it was half past four?

Me: He didn't hear you mother.

Arthur: Aren't you saying hello then?

Mother: What did he say?

Me: He didn't hear you say hello.

Arthur: What's wrong with your mother?

At this point I waved the white flag of surrender, got off the bus and left them to it. Two hours on there's a fair chance the two of them are still on the bus having circled the city at least twice. If Talbot Rothwell was on the bus, I fully expect Carry On Codgers to hit the screen next year...