Bear With Me...

Two American Football teams are on a tour of Europe and have a quiz to see which team can name most places in Holland. The game was won by a single Dutch Town.

A child was misbehaving by protesting loudly and rudely, waving boards with crazy slogans on, while guests were visiting. He was punished for having mad banners.

There is evidence that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers, but unfortunately all the league records were destroyed in a fire.Thus we'll sadly never know for whom the Tells bowled.

He said he grown strong from all his dancing, but no-one believed him.It was obvious to all that he was bearing waltz fitness.

I'm a baker for the army. When I go to war, I go in all buns glazing.

The policeman pulls over a car onto the side of the road and walks over to the driver."Do you realise you've got two snakes attached to the front of your car?" he asks."It's all right," replies the driver, "they're just my windscreen vipers."

A man was charged with stealing ducks from a local pond in a small English village.When in court, the judge asked how he pleaded. He replied 'Not guilty Mallard'.

There was one a dromedary whose fur was an amazingly close match in colour to the desert sand, and he was almost impossible to see.Some called him 'the invisible dromedary', but in reality he wasn't invisible; he was just really well camel-flaged.

Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?They'll be for people who love meat tender.

I always wondered why the ball was getting bigger as it came at me..... then it hit me

I used to want to be a gold prospector, but it didn't pan out.

The police caught a burglar last night after he broke into a bathroom window, stood on a set of scales and gave himself a weigh.

I knew someone once who was a monorail enthusiast. He had a one track mind.

The price of chess pieces was going up. I had to buy quickly, so I decided to contact my pawn broker.

A jump-lead walks into a bar, and looks around aggressively at the other customers.The barman says "All right, I'll serve you... but don't start anything."

Did you hear the one about the man who dreamed he was a muffler on a car, and then that he was part of the wheel? He woke up exhausted and tired.

What did one archaeologist say to the other when he stepped on his newly discovered artifacts?"I'm so sorry, looks like I owe you an anthrApology!"

Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus. They plan to call it mass transit.