Chairman: So, fellow Cooncillors, item 3 on the agenda - the installation of a pedestrian crossing on the A68 in Dalkeith. Any comments before I pass the motion?
Councillor A: Aye, I would like to ask why we're installing another pedestrian crossing on that stretch of road when we already have 40 sets of traffic lights.
Chairman: Well, in my view, ye cannae have too many pedestrian crossings.
Councillor A: Aye, but this new one is only ten yards from the last one we installed last month.
Chairman: But we need it for the kiddies. We dinnae want to be sued by Mr & Mrs Numpty when their brats run across the road and are squashed by a number 86 bus.
Councillor B: Ah wouldnae worry aboot that, Mr Chairman, the number 86 bus disnae go faster than five miles an hour...
Chairman: Point taken, Cooncillor B, but we can't take any risks. I've seen some o' thae First Bus drivers when they're aboot tae finish their shift fairly bombing along the A68.
Councillor A: That would be very difficult with all those traffic lights. Anyway, we've already got a pedestrian crossing outside the old Dalkeith High School. I remember we installed it a month before we closed the school.
Chairman: Aye, but wi' obesity levels rising it's asking a lot of the locals to walk roond the corner ten yards just to cross the road. So gentlemen - are we agreed?
All: Aye!
Chairman: Right, motion passed. I'll get the road dug up again - it should nae take that long, it was only resurfaced last week. I'll see if there's any temporary traffic lights left we can use in the meantime. I think we might have used the last set last week. Okay - last one to the pub gets the drinks in...
8 comments:
Just back from my holidays in sunny France - had a great time(despite the occasional family disagreement around Rebecca getting her own way. Enjoyed the wine and the warmth - 30 degrees every day - where were the clouds and rain??? I only got a little bit sunburnt but my shoulders are sore!!!!) Strangey missing your ramblings / rants and thought I'd just log on to see what was happening. Glad to see there is still much to rant about!! Remind me to tell you about the council digging up my street when I next see you!!! Looking forward to seeing you soon. Hope all ok with you. Clairex
I'm pretty sure that meeting could be repeated up and down the country.
For years I used to live in a place called Kirkintilloch and if East Dunbartonshire Council weren't adding traffic lights they were adding railings to the side of the road to prevent people from crossing where there wasn't any traffic lights. Used to be a beautiful town until they messed it up with such junk. I'm convinced Scottish councils buy such items in bulk in the pretense of saving money. It would been better if they just did something about the potholes.
But then again now that I live in the States I've discovered things could be worse. At least in the UK you can cross the road and traffic does move albeit slowly, here even when the pedestrain crossing allows a person to walk across the traffic just keeps on going.
I needed that bit of humor!! :D
I like the accent that you throw in there as well :0)
(Oi' about all the cross walks)
Same in the U.S. too. The Seattle Board has done some of the dumbest things around here. It would take way too long to list them all. It just amazes me.
I think that meeting is happenig all across the world. You can only become a councillor if you are fool. why dont you trip over the roadworks and sue them for a fortune.
Doesn't sound real enough to me Mike.
The terminology was not pretentious enough, there was no mention of money or expenses, and no strop from the Green party member.
Which one was Laurel and which one was Hardy?
Are you sure that wasn't a Los Angeles City Council meeting? It sounds very familiar.
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