Words of Wisdom...

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.


I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

*thanks to my good pal Lizzy in the Hei'lands for these!